If you can love like this

Chapter 54

I suddenly became interested, "Then can you tell me about your childhood?"

"Of course, we can talk about our affairs for three days and three nights, as long as you don't get bored." Annie is really straightforward, without the slightest affectation that beautiful girls are used to, and about her past with Jinyi and Geng Mochi, use her It is actually not complicated to describe in words.After being adopted by Geng Mochi's mother, Annie has been living a life without worrying about food and clothing, and has received meticulous care from Geng's mother. Her best playmate in childhood was He Jinyi. Jinyi's father and Geng Mochi's mother are very good friends, my lord Walking around a lot, the children naturally played together, and Ye Sha's parents are family friends with the Xia family (Geng Mochi's stepfather's surname is Xia), and Ye Sha once learned piano under the guidance of Geng's mother, so Ye Sha also He has known Geng Mochi since he was a child, but Geng Mochi didn't like Ye Sha, it seemed to be deeply rooted, and he didn't like her since he was a child. On the contrary, he was very close to the timid and shy Jin Yi, and took care of Jin Yi like a younger sister.

Later, Geng's mother immigrated to New Zealand with her husband, and brought Annie there, and soon the Ye family also immigrated to New Zealand. The two families lived very close to each other in Wellington, and their relationship was better than in China.Geng Mochi was an adult at the time, and did not go to New Zealand with his mother, but went to France to study alone. A few years later, Ye Sha also followed Geng Mochi to Paris.The parents on both sides of Ye Sha's mind are very clear. She has loved Geng Mochi since she was a child, and the parents on both sides are trying to match them up. It's just that Geng Mochi's attitude towards this matter has always been very indifferent, and he didn't directly refuse. It seems to be taking care of Ye Sha and the parents on both sides.At that time, Geng Mochi was already well-known, and he returned to China once during that period. Annie said that she didn't know what happened that time. Geng Mochi married Yesha as soon as he returned to Paris, which surprised his family.

"What the hell happened?" I asked Annie.

Annie shrugged, "I don't know, because I was not in the country at the time, and probably only the two of them knew about it. But on the day my brother returned to Paris from Shanghai, Jin Yi encountered a car accident on the way to the airport, and almost Not even a life."

"So it is."

"Yeah, I've always been very sorry. Why did my brother marry Yesha instead of Jinyi? You may not know that when my brother returned to China, he planned to take Jinyi to Paris, because Jinyi had just died at that time. Father, my mother and my brother are worried about her living here alone. You can imagine it. My brother must have a plan in his heart to take Jinyi to Paris. He arranged everything for Jinyi in Paris. She found a school, arranged for housing, food and clothing, and hired a babysitter. Who knew that they would not be together in the end. Alas, if they were married at that time, it would have been fine, and the things that followed would not have happened. It happened, at least Yesha won’t die. Although I didn’t like Yesha since I was a child, I feel bad when she died. I know my brother has always treated her indifferently. After many years of marriage, they have no children. My brother refused to have children. Children, because there is no love, so I don’t want to have children.”

When it comes to children, I bow my head and feel like a sinner.

I really regret that if I didn't lose that child back then, at least I left Geng Mochi a line of flesh and blood. Even if he is gone in the future, his life will still continue on his child, but I was so cruel and killed him with my own hands child.I don't blame him for hating me, even I can't forgive myself. These days, I often think of the child who died young, waking up in the middle of the night, and the pillow is wet. This kind of regret can no longer be described in words.

Mochi, I'm sorry.

The next day, I took Annie to the Fire Palace to eat stinky tofu, and then took her around the city. To my surprise, it was not the first time Annie came to Star City. She said that Geng Mochi had brought her here during the summer vacation of middle school. .Anne suggested: "Let's go to Sunset Villa to see it." I immediately agreed, because I really wanted to go there too.

We left in the afternoon. I borrowed a car from my colleague and drove very slowly. It was already evening when I arrived at the villa. I felt that Sunset Villa was much older. The moss on the walls spread to the roof. This house is really old. Yes, just like my love, it is also a long time ago, I am afraid it will be difficult to bring it back to life again.

At night, Annie and I shared the same bed and we chatted with great interest. In addition to talking about her childhood, Annie also talked a lot about her life abroad, and I also talked about my own life. Soon we found that there were many Things are of common interest to us, we had so much in common, no wonder hit it off.

The weather in the countryside is very bad. It was windy and rainy at night, and it snowed in the early morning. This is the second heavy snow this winter. The first heavy snow fell when I was hospitalized.

The heating in the room is fully turned on, making it warm like spring, but outside the window, it is windy and snowy. Big snowflakes splash on the glass, instantly melting into small water droplets, flowing down the glass, looking like It's tears of weeping.

Annie half-lyed on the soft pillow, looking at the snowflakes flying outside the window and fell into memory, "Hey, this reminds me of the snow in Paris back then. I returned to Paris from Shanghai. At that time, my brother and Yesha had just married. The two have always been half-separated. My brother often stays out at night, and Ye Sha is alone guarding the empty villa in the suburbs. I have never seen her cry, but I know she must be unhappy. A marriage without love is very difficult. Terrible. But I didn't sympathize with her at the time, I hated her to death, because I wanted Jinyi to marry my brother since I was a child, and I did a lot of stupid things for this, and even forced my brother to swear, this Never marry Jinyi in my life. My brother has nothing to do with me, but I know he actually agrees in his heart. He likes Jinyi very much. This kind of liking should not only be love, but also family affection. Kaoer, don’t you Will you be jealous?"

I smiled and shook my head, "No, I also like Jinyi very much."

"Well, she is indeed quite likable, but she is too honest and timid, so she was bullied by Ye Sha since she was a child. I have always protected her and fought with Ye Sha often because of her."

"You don't like Yesha so much?" I could always feel the strong emotion in her tone.

"I don't like it, I don't like it very much. She comes from a noble family, and her family is rich, so she always likes to put on a show in front of Jinyi and me, treating herself like a princess. I just can't understand her demeanor, because My background is not good, I don’t even know who my biological parents are, and my memories before I became sensible are all left in the orphanage. As for Jin Yi, she also came from a poor family. Her parents divorced since she was a child. He is a tuner with a meager income. If my mother hadn't been helping their father and daughter, Jinyi wouldn't have been able to go to such a good school. This is probably the reason why Jinyi and I have gotten closer, because we are in the same boat." Annie stroked Playing with my hair, thoughtfully, "But Kaoer, although I don't like Yesha, she is dead after all, and her life is quite miserable, so I don't want her reputation to be damaged after death. I know that I am not a good person, but in this matter, I feel that my brother...has his principles of life, and he is not wrong from his point of view, don't get me wrong, I am not trying to favor my brother, I am telling the truth. "

I said sadly: "Don't talk about this matter. It's meaningless to say these things at this point. I respect his choice. But Annie, isn't Yesha really writing the LOVE series? Did Milan take it? What makes Mochi so taboo? I heard from Mochi that it seems to be some kind of manuscript..."

"Kao'er, don't ask, I won't say it. The reason I don't say it is not because I don't trust you, but out of respect for the dead. The dead are the greatest, so let's not talk about it. I promise Brother." Like Geng Mochi, Annie is also very taboo about this matter, she looked at me and said, "My brother did not hesitate to marry Milan in order to calm this matter, he has already experienced a loveless marriage, and this time he will repeat the same mistakes , you can imagine how painful he is, if it is not a last resort, would he go this way?"

Seeing that I was silent, Annie hurriedly changed the subject again, "Let's not talk about this, let me show you my photo album when I was young, it's very interesting." She turned over and got out of bed, took out two large photo albums and spread them on the bed, one by one. show me.Anne in the photo is playful and cute, her eyes have been so big since she was a child, like a doll.I feel that she is very happy, she is smiling in every photo, always wearing a lace dress and a gauze bow tie, but it is very strange, the youngest photo was taken when she was eight years old, one or two years old Not a single photo.When I asked her, she smiled and said, "I didn't come to Mochi's house until I was eight years old, and I don't have any previous growth records."

I sighed, "That's a pity."

"I have a lot of regrets in my life. I am happy, but I don't seem to be happy. I don't even know why I am alive. I feel like a lost child. I should be over there, but I came here. I am here. I can't forget that side here, but I know I can't go back, and I can never go back there again..."

"What here and there?" I don't know what to say.

"You don't understand, and you don't need to understand."

"You can also find someone you love and marry."

"impossible."

"why?"

"Because I'm gay."

"what?"

"Just kidding, hahaha..."

When we woke up in the morning, the snow-covered mountain village was shining in the sun. Annie and I were so excited that we started snowball fights when we got up, and went crazy until lunch.Annie obviously has a deep memory of the villa, pointing out to me every imprint she left when she was a child, the graffiti she made on the wall, the fence she climbed when she was a child, and the jujube tree she and Geng Mochi planted in the yard. Show me one.Although it was buried by the heavy snow, I searched those memories with Annie very nostalgic, because I knew that this was also the place where Geng Mochi lived as a child, and there must be his imprints in every corner.According to Annie, Geng Mochi was born in this villa, and his father died in the villa, and his ashes were buried under the crabapple tree in the backyard.This surprised me. Last time I came to the villa, I didn't hear Geng Mochi mention it. I was curious, "Why is it buried under the tree?"

Annie spread her hands, "I don't know either."

The crabapple tree was quite old, and it took two people to hug the trunk. The branches were weighed down by the heavy snow, and there was deep snow under the tree, which was white and flawless.

I couldn't bear to set foot on it, because Geng Mochi's father was buried underground.

After lunch, Annie went out to visit the old relatives nearby. They were all Geng Mochi’s mother’s natal family. They wanted to drag me there, but I caught cold from playing in the snow for too long in the morning, and started coughing again. Annie I have to go alone.

Throughout the afternoon, I stood in front of the bedroom window on the second floor and looked at the crabapple tree in the yard downstairs. I was depressed. When Annie came back, it was evening. The villa is back.I smiled and said, "You really have a conscience." "Ha, you are the first person to say that I have a conscience. Has Jin Yi ever told you that my heart is black?" Annie put her arms around my shoulders with a smile , and took me to her room to chat.

After chatting for a while, she showed me her childhood paintings.She is very talented, and every painting is full of artistic conception. To my surprise, those paintings are almost all similar scenes. It is a lake, which is painted into various seasons. What impressed me most is a Zhang Dongri's lake, the treetops of the trees by the lake are covered with ice flowers, the lake is frozen, and many children are playing on the ice.I remembered that Geng Mochi told me that Annie liked to paint lakes, and it turned out to be true.

"Where did you draw this lake?" I looked at a picture of a lake with green willows brushing its banks and asked her. "It's not somewhere, it's in my imagination, in a dream." Annie lay on the bed and looked at the ceiling with empty eyes and an elusive expression.

"Is it related to your childhood?"

"Maybe."

"What was your childhood like?"

"Can not remember."

"Can not remember?"

"I don't remember, I don't remember anything."

According to Annie, she only remembers her living conditions after being adopted by the Geng family. She was adopted by another family before, and she has no memory of what kind of family it was, as if that memory was completely lost by her. How hard she tried to remember, what was lost would never be found again.Fortunately, the current adoptive parents love her very much, because she is the only daughter in their family, and she is very favored, but the adoptive father has been married once before, and has three sons with his ex-wife. With Mochi, this big family seems to be very harmonious on the outside, but in fact it has no concept of family affection at all, because everyone has no blood relationship. Fortunately, Anne is very likable, and she has been living a pampered life like a princess since she came to their house ...

Anne was noncommittal about this. She said that she had lived in chaos these years. Her life was like a gust of wind. It had no direction and no goal. When encountering good scenery, she would stop and appreciate it, but never Staying rooted, once the novelty wears off, she drifts to another unknown world.I asked her, don't you have any worries in your heart?There is always someone or something you miss, right?She said that her heart is like a tomb, and the people and things worthy of her miss or concern have already been buried deep in it, and dead things have no vitality, so her heart is very empty.

"You really don't remember the family that adopted you before?"

"do not remember."

"Then what do you remember?"

"Lake, I remember there was a lake, and there was an osmanthus tree. I remember when I was a child, there was a big osmanthus tree in front of the house where I lived, and... there seemed to be a valley, and the wind in the valley was very strong. , always blows my hat so far away, always... someone picks it up for me, who picked it up for me, I keep thinking about that guy, but I just can't remember who it is... oh, that hat The hat, I remember the hat, was made of straw with a pretty pink bow on the brim."

"You must have been a happy childhood, I can imagine that." I was moved by Anne's memory.

"No, I don't seem to be very happy." Annie shook her head and said, "Every time I recall the past, I feel an indescribable sadness. My current character is largely affected by that memory... Childhood has a great impact on me. For me, there is only a vague shadow left, and the memory before I came to Geng's house is completely lost." Annie shook her head with a lonely expression.

"Didn't you try to find it? If you lose your memory, you can find it back." The more I listened, the more distressed I became.

"Why didn't I try to look for it? I have been looking for it for more than ten years. The more I searched, the more blurred I could remember. I asked a psychiatrist why this happened. The doctor It is said that my subconscious is rejecting the memory of the past. That memory must be a very important experience in my life and has an indelible impact on my life. It may be a happy memory or a sad one. In my subconscious mind, I most want to remember and forget...Because of too much ideological struggle and too much pressure, the nervous system will naturally delete that memory, just like deleting a file in a computer... "

I don't want to ask any more questions. When a person has forgotten even the past, and doesn't know where she came from, and where she is going, do you still need to expose her scars?Poor Anne!

"Forget it, just forget it. Forgetting is just like remembering. It's a human instinct." I stroked Anne's soft and shiny curly hair and said, "Don't think about the past anymore. The most important thing is to grasp the present life. Yes, I hope you are happy..."

(End of this chapter)