Long time no see, Mr. Qin

Chapter 53 The back of love is never hate (7)

A small person, wearing thin clothes, walking in the heavy snow, was looked at by his father with disgust, and his mother didn't remember who she was when she was dying.

"Then your leg..." This is a question I have never dared to mention, but after hearing this, I couldn't help asking. My heart hurts, as if I was twisting.

"My leg was limped during those days - it was run over by a car, it was broken when I went to the hospital, and there was no way to amputate it completely. It was actually just for a bottle of Coke that rolled onto the road."

Speaking of this, I just remembered his weird expression once when I held up a Coke and asked him if he would drink it. I thought he just hated this kind of drink, but unexpectedly it was because of this.

"Stop talking, isn't it good now..."

He sneered, just for a moment, but this expression was too impressive.I was startled and hurriedly grabbed his hand, his fingertips were still cold.

"No matter what reason you go back to find him, or what reason he finds you, I don't want to hear these, I know it will not be pleasant. I understand what kind of person you are, and you are I understand any feelings, really, Xu Moran, I understand." I held his hand in the palm of my hand, this man is so distressing.

"But that's something you can't resist, right? Even if you resist, it's your father. No matter how much you hate him, he gave you life. At least, part of the blood flowing in your body now comes from him. You have to be ruthless. Being ruthless does not mean being cruel to the enemy. There are so many enemies in this world, but to make your life better, you know? Xu Moran, we want to make our life better Even better, slash the knife down on those unwanted thoughts, even if there is hatred and pain in it that we can't forget."

Xu Moran's eyes suddenly lit up, he held my hand instead and raised it to his mouth.

"So, Nian Jin, have you done it?" He began to kiss my hand, from fingertips to palm, kissing repeatedly, each kiss was very small, faint, just like others, passing over it, but It's not offensive.

"Let's be together." He said, his eyes focused.

It turned out that he said this, uncovered his scars that he no longer wanted to touch, just to make me say these words.How well does he know me?In other words, how much effort has this man, this outstanding and tolerant man put in for me?

"Mo Ran..." I pulled my hand away from it.

His eyes dimmed, a bit of bitterness appeared on the corner of his mouth, and then he muttered with a little sneer: "Isn't that okay...or is it not okay...hehe...also...I actually want to use your share of mine I feel sorry for keeping you... When did I, Xu Moran, become so humble and despicable?"

He raised his head and glanced at the starry sky, "Look at the stars above, they are everywhere, are they watching what we do every day?"

"Don't talk about yourself like that. I want to try too, but Mo Ran, I'm afraid, you know? I'm afraid I'll let you down, I can't control this heart, I don't want it to think about it, but it's there by itself Think. Can I not know how good you are to me? I am not blind, even if I am blind, as long as I am still alive, I can feel it. But the more I am like this, the more I feel that I am not worthy of you. My love is too pure, and even has a taste of dying together. For Qin Ziyang, it is no longer a matter of love or not, it is hate, pain, unwillingness, and all these things mixed together. But I can What's the matter? He provoked me nakedly and desperately. He doted on me, he really doted on me. He even poured those material things on me non-stop. I can't stop. He is a poison, but how many women can refuse this poison? I never really fell in love with him before, and I just fell in with my heart. I fell in love with me regardless of everything, but What about him? He said he would stop, how many people he played with, he treated his feelings as acting, but I couldn't do it, I couldn't hold it..."

I was a little anxious, these thoughts are usually kept firmly in my heart, torturing myself over and over again, but even so, I don't want to tell anyone about it.But today, today was lured out by Xu Moran, opened his head like a wild beast breaking open a cage, scrambling to rush out, wreaking havoc and howling.

I panted heavily, looked at him, and continued: "But I am rational, and I refuse to accept it. Why am I alone in pain? Later, I also stabbed him hard. With all my strength, I really wanted to pierce a hole in his body and make him hurt severely. But I also arranged a way out, taking a child who couldn't keep it as a way out, but after the incident It tortured me over and over again day after day. I thought that maybe all these things could only be healed by time. I didn’t have the strength to carry it with him, so I shouldn’t let myself get involved in that circle again, but I didn’t expect him to go bankrupt. At that time, I felt a sense of joy in my heart. Qin Ziyang, who had always just looked down on people, went bankrupt. Without any thought in his mind, he went back consciously. But when I looked at him like that , I actually felt that it was not enough, the pain couldn’t make up for it, and it was even more uncomfortable, especially watching him go on like this day by day, isolated from the outside world. I scolded him and mocked him, and if he wanted pain, I had to let him hurt, not This kind, this kind of down-and-out person who shrinks like a grandson, this is not that person, not the Qin Ziyang whom I have loved and hated before."

"But you also love yourself. You say you understand me, but I actually understand you too. Nian Jin, there is no possibility between you and him. Even when you were in New York, you didn't let go of what he gave you. It hurts. As you said, your love is too pure and too decisive, even if there was no marriage in which he betrayed you, you would still treat him like this, am I right? "

"No." I yelled, but didn't argue.

He smiled, then raised my head gently, and said, "No, you will, because you are Su Nianjin."

Xu Moran was sure, his eyes looked at me like spotlights, making me unable to look away, even if I lowered my head, I could still feel the attention.

I didn't answer his words, I raised my head and looked at the starry sky that Xu Moran just said.

"This starry sky is really beautiful, but it's so beautiful that I often feel small when I look at it."

"We are all small, and being too great is not necessarily a good thing."

"Yeah, it's not necessarily a good thing..." I said for a while, and then I focused my eyes on the man in front of me again, and saw that he was wearing a big gray trench coat, and the collar was accidentally blown by the wind outside the car window. Got to stand up, looking at me like water.Thinking of what he said just now, the lines between the lines are extraordinarily calm, almost ruthlessly telling about his most miserable days, flat, calm, without any emotion.

"Actually, Mo Ran, you are really suitable to teach on campus. You will become a famous professor, make great achievements in the academic field, and be praised by all the students. However, I will not persuade you to go back now, then It doesn't make sense. Since you have taken this step, you must have thought about it for a long time. Although I don't know why you chose this way, I know there must be a meaning for your choice. In this case, please go on, but I hope that in the process Don't treat yourself badly."

The words came out somehow.In fact, a long time ago, I thought about persuading him to go back to teach and stop getting involved in this field. He is not suitable, he is really not suitable.

Xu Moran looked at me motionlessly, and suddenly stretched out his hand to wrap me around his chest, my body instinctively wanted to dodge backwards.

"Just for a while, just let me lean on for a while."

I gave up dodging, and even slowly stretched out my hand to encircle his back, this thin and thin back.

"Don't be afraid of being sorry to me, and don't resist the love I give you, and don't give me the death penalty before trying. You are very brave, Su Nianjin, so please keep being brave." His head rested on me Above his head, the voice was very slow, and there was a faint heat breathing over his head, which made people feel that there was an irrepressible warm current trickling through his chest.Then he pushed me away, put his hands on my arms, lowered his head, looked at me solemnly, and said again: "Let's be together."

This time I didn't say no, but I didn't nod either.No matter how moved I am, even if Xu Moran will not complain about me at all, but I am really afraid, I am afraid of hurting such a distressed man.

"Give me some time, I will think about it."

"Okay, I won't force you." He nodded, pushed the button, and the car unlocked.

I got out of the car and took another look at it from a distance. The car never left.

(End of this chapter)