If life had a starting line, someone was born in Rome

Chapter 139 Parents’ concern does not concern their children’s hearts!On the contrary, it’s suffocating! (two-in-one plus updates)

Lin Feng heard Zhang Xin's father's question, thought for a moment, and then said:
"Zhang Xin's father, if you want to avoid making this mistake again with your children in the future, the best way is to empathize with Zhang Xin's situation."

After Lin Feng finished speaking, Zhang Xin's father was silent for a moment.

Do you empathize with Zhang Xin's situation?
There is a feeling of being unable to enter.

So he opened his mouth and said:
"Teacher Lin, please give me some advice."

Lin Feng nodded and said to Zhang Xin's father:

"We have talked a lot since we started connecting online."

"I can feel from your previous words that now you just know that your children will be stressed if you do this."

"But it's still a little difficult for you to understand, because you haven't experienced this feeling before, right?"

After Lin Feng finished speaking, Zhang Xin's father smiled bitterly:
"Oh, that's true."

"Teacher Lin, to be honest, my family was not in a very good situation when I was young."

"So, I don't need any supervision from my parents. I will put pressure on myself and study hard to find a way out."

"In a way, I even think stress is a good thing."

Lin Feng could also infer this from previous chats.

So, he nodded and said:
"I know, this is the main reason why you can't understand Zhang Xin."

After thinking about it, Lin Feng thought that he must explain this to Zhang Xin's father.

So he went on to say:
"The pressure you put on yourself was the pressure you put on yourself, and the pressure on Zhang Xin was imposed on him by you."

"It's like an egg. If you break it from the inside, it becomes life. If you break it from the outside, it becomes food. This is different."

"Zhang Xin's father, have you not considered that even if you don't urge him or put pressure on him, Zhang Xin will actually put pressure on himself and work hard to study well?"

Hearing Lin Feng's words, Zhang Xin's father opened his mouth in silence, and finally said with a bit of embarrassment:
"This...I really never thought about it..."

Lin Feng shook his head and continued:
"Dad Zhang Xin, you have to know one thing, that is, the pressure Zhang Xin puts on himself is adjustable, not mandatory like the pressure you put on him."

"For example, children will set goals for themselves - I want to improve ten places this time, or my total score will be ten points higher than last time."

"Through this kind of step-by-step small goals, Zhang Xin puts pressure on himself. When he reaches the goal, he will not only breathe a sigh of relief, but also have a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction."

"However, when he happily comes to share with you, you will be picky and say that he has only improved ten places? He is still far from the top one hundred in the school, or the total score has been improved. Is it because of the difficulty of this exam? Reduced?"

"Dad Zhang Xin, do you know what your behavior is called?"

Zhang Xin’s father paused and said:
"pour cold water on??"

Lin Feng nodded:
"That's right! You always put pressure on him suddenly just when he is relieved."

"Let him feel that you will never be satisfied with his grades. If you enter a key middle school, you must be in the top two hundred. If you enter the top two hundred, you must be in the top one hundred..."

"Zhang Xin meant to share happiness with you, but you turned around and set higher goals for him and put more pressure on him. Isn't this kid Zhang Xin out of breath?"

After the words fell, Zhang Xin's father let out a long sigh.

Through Teacher Lin's detailed analysis, he was finally able to roughly understand Zhang Xin.

However, Lin Feng's purpose was far more than that. He continued to say:
"When I say this, you can understand it, but it's not enough to empathize with it, because the subject here is still a child, and you will be in your own childhood."

As soon as these words came out, Zhang Xin's father's ears stood up. Is there anything else?
On the other side of the phone, Lin Feng's voice was calm and he said slowly:
"Dad Zhang Xin, let me use your work as an example."

Zhang Xin's father nodded subconsciously.

"Imagine, if your boss didn't set a target for you this month, wouldn't you work hard this month?"

Zhang Xin’s father quickly shook his head:

"That's not true, because I have to make money to support my family. Even if my boss doesn't put pressure on me, I will put pressure on myself."

Lin Feng heard this and smiled softly:
"Yes, that's it."

Immediately afterwards, Lin Feng's voice changed:
"But if you put pressure on yourself, you will be moderate."

"For example, you may work overtime for performance, but at the same time, you will consider your own health, so you will work overtime moderately instead of working overtime every day."

"Because you yourself know that if you work overtime every day, your body will be overwhelmed and you will suffer from fatigue. It's not worth it."

"So, in order to make money to support your family, you will set a goal for yourself, how much performance you want to achieve this month, and when you reach this goal, you will be very happy."

Zhang Xin's father kept nodding along with Lin Feng's words. It was indeed like this.

At this moment, Lin Feng said:
"But when your boss knows about your performance, he will always feel that it is not enough and ask you to work harder next month to try to improve a little bit more."

"At this time, your original joy of completing your goal was washed away by your boss's disappointing words."

Speaking of this, Zhang Xin's father seemed to have caught something and was a little dazed.

At this time Lin Feng continued:
"Dad Zhang Xin, only you know what you have done to achieve this goal."

"For example, you didn't have any rest time, so you didn't go to your colleagues' gatherings. For example, you were absent from Zhang Xin's parent-teacher meeting because you worked overtime, etc."

"You clearly know how hard you work, but your boss thinks it's not enough. He can't even see your efforts. He will only force you to continue working overtime. In the end, you will even collapse at your post from exhaustion. He also feels this is necessary."

"At this time, do you secretly curse your boss and feel that he is not a human being?"

Zhang Xin's father took a deep breath and nodded silently.

Lin Feng smiled slightly and said:
"Dad Zhang Xin, now, please put yourself in my shoes."

"Your boss puts pressure on your performance, forcing you to work overtime. For performance and money, you are so busy that you can't even go home, relax and spend time with your family."

"You put pressure on your child to study. He studies hard for grades. He can't even talk to you at school or at home."

"Is there any essential difference between these two situations?"

Lin Feng sighed:

"Dad Zhang Xin, don't you treat your child the same way your boss treats you?"

"Is there any fundamental difference between how you treat your children and how your boss treats you?"

As soon as Lin Feng's question came out, the audience in the live broadcast room fell into a long silence.

After a long time, the barrage came out.

"Teacher Lin woke me up."

"Haha, think about it carefully, why not? When I complain that my boss is unreasonable, my children may also have the same complaint against me."

"Teacher Lin said something that touched my heart. When I was in school, my parents pressured me to study, but my overall score went up. They asked me why my ranking didn't go up. But after my ranking went up, they asked me why my overall score didn't improve. I wanted to refute. , they indiscriminately said that my wings were stiff, and they didn’t understand the parents’ good intentions..."

"Later, when I got a job, my boss took over this coercive role. He wanted performance and the ability to get things done. No one of them was missing. When I mentioned my salary, the boss said that young people should be dedicated."

"Holy crap, it's essentially the same!! When I was a kid, I was a reading machine, but when I grew up, I was a working machine!!"

"Reading machine? Working machine? From this point of view, our life is really simple, always full of coercion and pressure."

"I discovered Hua Dian! When I was studying in the past, my parents and teachers always said, 'Just get into college.' It would be fine if I got it, I would be fine if I bought a house... I suddenly understood that this kind of words seemed to be comforting and encouraging, but in fact they were all forcing. The essence of it is that if you are not good, it is because you are not good. To do something, in essence, is to force someone to do it.”

"Oh, I feel numb" "..."

off screen.

After Wang Jianfeng's parents looked at each other, they both laughed bitterly.

After what Teacher Lin said, they also thought of their parents.

In the eyes of both of them, it is already a matter of pride for a husband and wife to work together, do some small business, build a house in the town, and support their son.

But every time they returned to the village, what their parents said was--

"Old Li's family in the village has all worked outside and made a fortune, but you are the only ones who are stubborn and stay in the town."

"Your second uncle's cousin, I heard that she has made a lot of money doing business outside. Why don't you buy some gifts and come to her house and let me take them to you!"

"..."

My parents said this because they hoped that the couple could make a lot of money and live a more comfortable life for the rest of their lives.

But besides applying pressure, what else can it do?
Even their words cannot be regarded as suggestions, they can only be described as whims!

Then, in the same way, they don't know how to study, and they only know how to discipline and talk about their sons every day.

In the eyes of his son, is this kind of behavior simply exerting pressure?
The couple thought silently, and the expressions on their faces slowly became moved.

As for Wang Jianfeng, looking at Lin Feng in the live broadcast room, he didn't notice anything strange about his parents.

What Teacher Lin said is really good, that’s what I am like.

Wang Jianfeng smiled bitterly and thought silently in his heart.

He went from the town to a key high school in the county. Only he knew how much he had to pay.

And parents, as if they can't see it, will only put pressure on themselves.

Not only was he told to study hard every day, he was not allowed to go out to play and relax with his friends.

In fact, if they don't talk about it and let themselves go out and play for a while, what can they do?

No matter what, he always has the goal of studying well in his heart!
Thinking of this, Wang Jianfeng shook his head gently.

……

Zhang Xin’s home.

Zhang Xin put his chin in his hands and leaned on the computer table, smiling and shaking his head.

"Teacher Lin really broke everything down and told me to dad."

"Now, dad can know how sad his act of pouring cold water on me made me, right?"

Zhang Xin sighed softly. He had been forced by his father to walk a long way.

However, I discovered that this road has no end.

So, my heart suddenly collapsed.

I don’t want to go to school, communicate with my parents, or play games...

All these behaviors are your own outlet.

"Fortunately, Teacher Lin understands me, and he also understands my dad."

At this moment, Zhang Xin touched the corners of his eyes.

It was at this time that Zhang Xin's father suddenly woke up.

Now I really understand! ! !

I was really wrong before!

So, he quickly said:

"Teacher Lin, I really understand Zhang Xin this time. So next, how should I solve a problem in my family?"

Having said this, Lin Feng smiled slightly and said:
"First of all, you must respect your child and cultivate a sound personality in your child, rather than simply treating him as a learning machine."

"We must give Zhang Xin appropriate time to relax and rest, so that Zhang Xin can have time and energy to communicate with your parents."

"Otherwise, he is busy studying every day, just like you are busy going to work every day, and can't speak three sentences a day. How would this feel like home?"

After the words fell, Zhang Xin's father blushed and promised again and again:
"Teacher Lin, there is no problem with this. I will not force Zhang Xin to study and put pressure on him like before."

Lin Feng nodded with satisfaction and continued:

"Secondly, you need to make your child feel the warmth of the family and care about him in a true sense."

As soon as these words came out, Zhang Xin's father quickly raised his hand:

"Teacher Lin, I need you to explain this more. I don't understand. What should I do specifically?"

Lin Feng smiled slightly and said unhurriedly:
"In this regard, the first step is to take off the shell of the machine."

The shell of the machine? ?

Has it faded yet?
Zhang Xin's father scratched his head and didn't understand.

However, there was no need to wait for him to ask, Lin Feng had already started to explain:

"For the sake of your children, you parents have turned yourself into a working machine and forced your children to become learning machines. Both parties are cold machines without any communication. Is this still a family?"

Lin Feng shook his head and sighed, life in a big city is actually not easy.

"Even your working machines and children's learning machines are running so hot and smoking inside. But the outer shells are all cold. How can you feel warmth through this cold outer shell?"

After such an explanation, Zhang Xin's father suddenly understood and nodded repeatedly.

"Okay, okay, I understand, Teacher Lin."

Listening to Zhang Xin's father's response, Lin Feng felt relieved and continued:

"Both you and your children should not become working or learning machines."

"You should all take a proper rest, give yourself some time, give Zhang Xin some time, sit down, and really have a long conversation. In this way, you can understand Zhang Xin's inner needs."

"Remember, your 'care' is not about setting tasks and goals for your children unilaterally, and then checking whether the tasks have been completed."

At this point, Zhang Xin’s father already knew how to answer:

"Mr. Lin, I understand. Although I am expressing my concern in this way, in Zhang Xin's view, it is impersonal and a cold family relationship."

Lin Feng nodded and said approvingly:

"Yes, all communication between your children and you cannot revolve around the point of "learning progress."

"Dad Zhang Xin, the root of the problem in your family is that your parents' so-called 'care' does not really concern the children's hearts. Instead, it makes the children feel suffocated!"

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(End of this chapter)