see you in spring

Chapter 86
In the room, Holly sat on the bed, resting her elbows on her knees and hugging her head, feeling heartbroken.

He was angry that Jia Lie ignored the relationship between husband and wife and said such hurtful words.Angry that she only saw money and not his efforts.I was even more angry that I couldn't muster up the courage to enter the workplace again.

He knew that Jia Lie couldn't control his words when his temper arose, and he also knew that she had just contacted the old boy. They had been in isolation during this period, and there must have been no actual extraordinary actions between the two. .But as a man, what man can bear to hear his wife say such things?She clearly wanted to piss him off.

He forcefully opened the bedside table, took out a small red pill box, poured out a small, flat pill, and threw it directly into his mouth.There was no water in the room, so he swallowed the medicine with difficulty.

It had started snowing outside the window at some point, and the wind was blowing the snow in all directions.Because the wind was so strong, the snow on the ground was extremely uneven. In some places, the concrete floor was still exposed, and in some places, it was already covered with a layer of silver frost.

Holly was furious and needed to calm down. He quickly walked to the window and as soon as he opened the window, the cold wind mixed with small ice shards hit his face.

I don't know whether it was the cold air outside the window that calmed him down, or whether the pills he had just taken to control his emotions had an effect. Dongqing's mind became much clearer.Thinking that the slap almost hit Jia Lie's face just now, he broke out in a cold sweat.

When they got married, he said he would love her and protect her forever, but now, he actually wants to beat her.

Dongqing's hands were shaking a little. He looked at the heavy snow outside and suddenly didn't know where to go.He was confused about the future, regretful about his impulsiveness, angry about Jia Lie's incomprehension, depressed about this period of isolation... These complex emotions gathered into an indescribable feeling in his chest, making him feel like he had been hit by frost. The eggplant has lost its vitality.

He knew she wanted to stimulate him, just to get him to go out and work.But over the years, he has tried so many times, but he still has not been able to get out of this family.

Three years ago, after he failed to apply for jobs seven or eight times in a row, he began to avoid interviews, reintegrating into society, and returning to the workplace.During these years of being disconnected from society, he felt that only when he returned to this small house of a few dozen square meters could he feel relaxed, safe, and free.

The more Jia Lie pushed him, the greater the pressure he felt.The greater the pressure, the easier it is to screw up.After failing to find a job, Jia Lie also encouraged him to start his own business.It's better to open your own shop and be the boss than to be picked on and make sarcastic remarks during interviews.

Dongqing has a dull temper, but opening a store and becoming a boss requires a versatile person. He knows that he is not the material to be a boss. However, in order to avoid competition with young people, Dongqing tried to start his own business twice.

Every time he sits in the store, what he is thinking about is not how to promote sales to attract customers to clear his inventory. What he is worried about is what to cook for his children today.Do you need to add more daily necessities for your home and children?Is it time for your child to be vaccinated?Is it time to replace clothes, toys, water cups, milk bottles, food supplements, pots, pans, and knives?
He was busy at both ends of the store at home, and the store door was closed half the time. He was busy like a spinning top all day long, but he was not making any money. He spent more than 10,000 on rent and goods.Jia Lie was so scared that she could only let him stay at home. If she couldn't afford it, at least she could afford it.

From then on, Jia Lie began to force him to work every three days.After staying at home for three or four years, Dongqing looked at the ever-changing world outside and felt that the longer she stayed at home, the less she dared to step out.

In order to get him to go back to work, Jia Lie kept stimulating him with the achievements of his former classmates and colleagues. She didn't know that every time she stimulated him, he would feel disgusted and escape.

Originally, a person who got up early every day and worked hard in the workplace did not have much time to talk to a person who only knew about daily necessities at home. They talked about looking for a job. The two people inevitably had a communication gap.

What ultimately left them speechless was the inequality in family status brought about by the economic gap, as well as their views on Dongqing's full-time job.

Jia Lie felt that Dongqing was wasting her time at home doing nothing. Before Dongqing became a full-time husband, like most people, she felt that those full-time mothers did not create much value for the family. No need to get wet, just spend the whole day eating snacks and watching TV with your kids, every day is as relaxing as a vacation.

But after he became this role, he realized that being a stay-at-home mother was the most difficult and risky profession: working all year round, with almost no personal time, sacrificing personal preferences and freedom, enduring the eccentricities of outsiders at any time, and Stay up late and work overtime at any time without any pay.

He has a full schedule every day. Over the years, he has taken his children to do housework, take them to and from school, and help with homework... He even has to calculate the time to go to the toilet, for fear that the children will be hungry, scared, and bump into each other.In the past six years, he has trained himself to be an out-and-out "time management master".

I don’t know since when, in order to prevent Jia Lie from saying that he spent money indiscriminately, he would keep an account of every penny he spent.In addition to recharging 50 yuan to his phone number every month, all the lists in his account are children's things and daily necessities at home.

Because she doesn't make money, Dongqing hardly spends money on herself.Fortunately, he doesn't smoke or drink, so he doesn't have these extra expenses.Compared with a stay-at-home mother, he, a stay-at-home father, even saves money on sanitary napkins.

In his sixth year as a stay-at-home dad, his most profound feeling was that he was living like a nanny, and all his time was filled with trivial matters.In the midst of children and endless trivial matters in life, people lose their luster.

And these are not the most difficult things for Dongqing. What makes him most uncomfortable is that Jia Lie and his father do not understand.

Thinking that since Jia Lie's confinement, he has become a "measured man" who revolves around the kitchen, around the children, and around the home.What he thinks about every day is how to take care of the children, take good care of Jia Lie, and take care of the house.

But for so many years, in Jia Lie's eyes, he was just a useless person who relaxed at home every day, played with his children, and ate with them without any pressure.

The woman who was grateful to him for being a stay-at-home dad now despises him for being useless and unmotivated.He couldn't stand the gap, let alone the lack of recognition for his efforts.The outside world has abandoned him, and seeing that the world at home no longer needs him, he is sad, anxious, and unable to sleep at night. Under this pressure, he begins to lose his hair and even begins to gain weight.

Sometimes when facing Jia Lie, he would feel nervous unconsciously, afraid that she would force him to find a job, and even more afraid of being eliminated by the society again and again during interviews.

He was once unable to regulate his emotions and state. In order to take care of his family, he lost his original career and circle of friends. There were fewer and fewer friends with whom he had common topics. He could not squeeze out his tense spirit. Sometimes When I sleep in the middle of the night, I will suddenly sit up in a daze.He looked at the dark streets outside countless times, thinking about running away from home...

It felt like being stuck in a swamp. He looked forward to having hands to pull him up, but every time he desperately climbed to the edge, Jia Lie pushed him down again.If the little winter melon hadn't been supporting him in this family, he might have collapsed long ago.

He knew he had a mental problem, so he went to the hospital and was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.The doctor said there are many reasons: excessive psychological pressure, tiredness of taking care of children, tense family relationships...

He didn't tell Jia Lie these things. He would avoid Jia Lie every day and secretly take mood-stabilizing pills. He was afraid that Jia Lie would know about it, that she would think that he was acting like this just because he stayed at home for a long time, and that she would get worse. "Urged" him to find a job.

It is undeniable that he had to go back to take care of his father this time to avoid the interview after the New Year.Judging from the situation just now, he was not unable to escape, but instead pushed the matter and their relationship into a more difficult situation.

At this time, he deeply understood the insecurity of a stay-at-home mother, because relying on others' sense of morality and empathy is dangerous in itself.If he were asked to make a choice again six years ago, he would no longer choose to take care of his children at home, but would choose to go out to make money without hesitation.

But if you ask him if he regrets spending these six years at home, he won’t.

As long as Jia Lie doesn't quarrel with him or force him to find a job, he will feel happy from the bottom of his heart when the family is enjoying themselves.Although he lost a lot, he took care of his family and raised his children.

There are many possibilities in life. Dongqing feels that she is just guarding the family, wife and daughter in another way.Being able to witness every fleeting moment of his children's growth, he felt that his six years had been worth it.

But if you ask him how to go next, he doesn't know.

At this moment, he looked at the door, not knowing how to get out and face everything outside.

(End of this chapter)