They are all bad women!

After a farewell to the clouds, ten years of flowing water (free)
I feel like I have to write nonsense again, writing some hypocritical words that make people sleepy.But the recent engagement made me dizzy and depressed, and made me wonder if I had a premarital phobia. Maybe writing it out would make me feel better.

In fact, the title is not very accurate. We didn't have a school flower selection in high school.But I think, if I described her like this in front of my classmates back then, no one would raise their hands to refute.

I was in the same grade as her in high school, and I've heard her name since then.She is very beautiful, beautiful girls will be mentioned often, boys will mention her after dinner, and girls will mention her when they gossip.

Of course, even if others don’t mention it, I know her. Sometimes we do radio gymnastics, and she will always be one of the lead operators standing on the rostrum.

In all fairness, most students still prefer running exercises to jumping radio gymnastics.Simple and direct, just run with your eyes closed, no need to use your brain.Moreover, middle school students always have a slight sense of shame when doing exercises, which is why many people like to be lazy when doing exercises.

I don't like doing exercises either, but she is the lead operator. Every time she does exercises, she stands upright in a black and white school uniform, with her lively ponytail fluttering in the sun.Every time I see these, I think again, this is not so bad.

I may have liked her a little bit in high school, but using the word "like" is a bit serious. The reason is that the other party is a beautiful girl.This beautiful girl can be anyone, Zhang San Li Si Wang Wu, as long as it is a beautiful girl, I will like it equally.

When I was in high school, I met her a few times in school, sometimes in a small shop, sometimes on the stairs, sometimes in the cafeteria... But we just passed by, not even "passing by".

We have no intersection, neither have the same friends, nor are we on the same, or even the same floor... It is not accurate to insist that we have no intersection at all, in fact, I still talked to her once.

It was in the hot summer, and she came to the teacher's office on our floor to hand in her homework with a stack of class notes.Maybe she didn't hold it firmly, the wind blew away the class clear in her hand.I happened to pass by, so I picked it up for her.

I remember that when I helped pick up the class, my heart was pounding with nervousness, and I tried my best to restrain my dog ​​eyes from aiming obscenely at other people's chests.

Afterwards, she smiled and said thank you to me.I looked at the fine sweat on the tip of her nose, and felt my face was flushed by the sun, so I quickly said no thanks, and then ran away.

I have searched my brains these days to recall that there was only such a brief contact in the three years of high school.

In fact, it’s not bad to be able to say a word. There are more than 400 people in our grade, and most of them are strangers who have never met until graduation.

We really got to know each other on a blind date at the beginning of last year. In the private room of a coffee shop, I looked at the visitor nervously and recognized her at a glance, even though we never saw each other after high school graduation.

After floating clouds, the water flowed for ten years.

She seemed to have changed a bit, she was more mature than the youthful girl in memory.I think she seems to be a little fatter, maybe it's just because of the down jacket in winter.

After all I didn't know how much she weighed in high school.

She came in with her mother, and when she came in, she smiled obediently and said that she was sorry for being late.

My mother pushed me and told me to stand up and greet me quickly, and said with a smile that it was not too late.

To be honest, I don't like blind dates, but my mother never tires of it, and always takes the trouble to arrange blind dates for me. There are seven or eight of them in these years.

In fact, I am not completely hopeless before each blind date, but after meeting each other, I lose interest.

First of all, I am not good at interacting with girls. I am an older mother. Before I met her, I hadn’t even touched a girl’s hand in so many years, let alone chatting with them.

After every blind date, my mother would say that girls feel good about you, so you should talk to them more often, do you want other girls to take the initiative?I tried it reluctantly, but after a few awkward chats, I felt really boring and had nothing to talk about, so I stopped contacting.

Of course, there are occasional girls who take the initiative to contact me after returning home, but the ending is the same. After a few awkward chats, I was too lazy to take the initiative, and then I stopped contacting.

Secondly, the girls my mother introduced to me are not very good-looking, of course, this does not mean that they are ugly.There is indeed no ugly one. My mother is more reliable in this respect, so she won't cheat her son, but there is indeed no big beauty who makes people fall in love at first sight.Perhaps this is one of the reasons why it is difficult for me to take the initiative.

For my mother, the most important thing in choosing a partner is the other party's family and work.So among the girls who have been on blind dates over the years, half of them are elementary school teachers.

Once I went on a blind date with a math teacher, and I didn’t know what to say so I discussed women’s rights with him.

I said that it is said on the Internet that girls' math ability is not worse than boys, but it is only because people around them keep saying that girls are not good at science to give them psychological hints, so they are not good at math, so there are almost no girls in the five major competitions.But this kind of argument is more common in middle school, and there are very few elementary schools. Do you think the boys in your class do better in math, or the girls do better in math?

The other party smiled awkwardly and said, according to my observation, boys are generally better at mathematics, and there is no external reason...

In fact, the fundamental reason why I talked about this with the other party is that I am not interested in this math teacher. I know that women may dislike topics that are not good for "women's rights", but so what.

Anyway, when I chased "her" later, I never mentioned the issue of women's rights.

Sometimes I really want to tell my mother, can you introduce some good-looking girls to me.But when I think about it, I am not a handsome guy, I just have an ordinary appearance, and the conditions are not very good, so what qualifications do I have to ask for someone else's appearance?

What's more, these words make people feel inexplicably ashamed, and it seems immoral to only pay attention to appearance, so I really can't open my mouth in front of my mother.What's more, actively asking for a blind date is also contrary to the "neither love nor marriage" personality that she usually portrays in front of her.

And the reason why I don't want to go on a blind date is that I really don't have the need to go on a blind date or even get married.

Although I will tell myself that I am not young, I am just too lazy to act.My mother always thinks that I am too lonely by myself, but Zifeiyuyan knows the joy of fish. My favorite thing is to lie at home all day with nothing to do, and find a movie to DIY when I have the urge.

I am so repelled by blind dates, but my mother is very good at moral kidnapping. Every time I use "I told other girls, but you don't see them, what should I do with their faces?", "I have a very good relationship with other mothers. They also often take care of our family's business, you don't see me how to deal with them" and make me submit...

Of course, the most important reason why I don’t want to go on a blind date is that I’m an anime geek with a late stage of secondary illness. I long for such a beautiful girl in Japanese anime, and I want all kinds of fetters that only belong to ACG.

Although I know that people who are looking for anime plots in reality must have brain problems, but I just feel unwilling in my heart.Why not, why not?Why can I only get married through a blind date?

The dead house is like this, while saying that he is a materialist and scoffing at the gods and Buddhas all over the sky, on the other hand, he is idealistically longing for the love that only exists in works of art, and wants a soul mate that is almost impossible to exist.

I often fantasize about my ideal other half, our interests can highly overlap.She can watch anime with me, listen to my historical stories, and best of all, she can join me in politics...

In short, I have said so much, I believe you can understand why I don't want to go on a blind date, and I have no expectations for it.

When meeting her, I carefully searched for topics.

She doesn't remember me. The short intersection in the student days was a turmoil that only belonged to me.We introduced each other, and I said that I am also from Xin X Middle School, and I was enrolled in the 12th class.She smiled and said, what a coincidence, me too.

In the beginning, it was a greeting between the mothers of both parties. My mother, Wang Po, said that you should not look at him like this. In fact, he has never talked to a single partner in these years. He is very honest and he is still a virgin!Her mother said that our daughter had only talked with one when she was a student, and she was single all these years... The two of them were chatty, which largely eased my embarrassment, but the mothers left after chatting for a while. People vacated the seat, and I was left to have an awkward chat with her.

After the blind date, we added WeChat. In fact, we didn’t have the same hobbies. She doesn’t understand two-dimensional, and her interest in history is limited to whether Ying Zheng is really a 1.8-meter handsome guy who was discredited by historians.

I happen to be Lu Zhenghei, but I don’t like to speak harshly in front of fans. I can only tell her euphemistically about the colonization of the Chinese nation after Zhou Gong’s great enfeoffment, and tell her about Zhou Shi’s "cars on the same track, books on the same text, and walks on the same line" ", when I told her that "Southern Yi and Beidi have diplomatic relations, and China is inexhaustible", it was Qi and Jin who stood up to preserve the fire of China, and told her that before Qin Wangzheng took charge, Qin's national power had already formed an overwhelming power over other vassal states Advantages, tell her about Liu Bang's great achievements and historical influence as well as his free and easy personal charm...

She listened quietly, she didn't really understand, but maybe she could tell that my original intention was to say that Ying Zheng was not good.But she didn't get angry or raise an argument to refute me, she just listened to me showing off.Finally, I said, you know a lot, so I showed her the photo of my study.

I don't think I really have any outstanding advantages. The only "elegant" habit is that I buy books when I have some spare money, from a hundred schools of thought to ancient literature and history books, and even classic novels of psychology and philosophy... I have bought about [-] to [-] books over the years. Books, when necessary, serve as fronts, like Adam and Eve used leaves as fig leafs in the Garden of Eden.

After we separated, I started to contact her actively. For the first time in my life, I took the initiative to ask my mother to ask her about the woman's impression of me.I would never have done this before because it felt shameful to be so proactive.Like licking a dog.

Anyway, I started the "pursuit" roughly, even though she didn't seem like my soul mate, but fuck soul mate, who cares?No one is really stupid enough to want a soul mate who can talk to anything, right?

Things went so smoothly that I was surprised by it.A good-for-nothing dog like me can ask out beautiful girls. Both the courage and ability are far beyond what I imagined for myself before.

Then, in less than two months, we dated in a daze.

I remember that day when we came out of the movie, she bought two scratch tickets from the ticket vending machine and gave me one with a smile.I kept beating drums in my heart, rubbing the scratch pads, and secretly said in my heart, if I win the lottery, I will confess.

In the end, I really won the lottery. There were 21 lottery tickets, and I just won [-].I told her that I won the lottery, and she took the lottery ticket in my hand in a little surprise. I looked at her side face, and my head felt hot, and I said that if we are like this, we are dating, right?
Her smile froze in an instant, holding the lottery ticket in her hand, curling up slightly.I immediately regretted it, feeling that what I said was not beautiful enough.How can you say that in a confession!
Time also seemed to freeze, feeling that this moment was extremely long and unbearable.My face was hot. If she had said something to refuse at that time, I would have crawled into a crack in the ground in shame.

Then I saw her pursing her lips, smiled and said, um, okay.

……

Our relationship is also very smooth, occasionally we have a little dispute, but we quickly compromise with each other.Sometimes my personality is a bit irritable, but as long as I am not in charge, and no one argues with me, then my personality can be said to be meek.

She has a very good personality, too gentle, always very quiet, never angry.

It's the first time I've dated a girl, and sometimes I do things that I think are stupid when I review them afterwards, but she has a high EQ, and I don't feel uncomfortable getting along with her at all.

She is very smart, and always asks me some historical myths and other questions when we are together, so that the two of us will not be embarrassed, although I feel that she is not interested in these.Usually, I don’t have to bear the expenses of going out alone. When I pay for meals, she invites me to drink milk tea.

I am ashamed to say that the first time we held hands was more than a month after we confirmed our relationship. At that time, I had been brewing for a long time, and I guessed that I could progress to the next stage. Then, on the street, she held milk tea in one hand At the time, I took the opportunity to gently hold her other hand like a thief...

In fact, it can't be considered pulling, it can only be called touching or touching.The calculation in my heart is that even if she doesn't want to, I can pretend that I just didn't notice that we met... although I know that this is just a tacit self-deception on both sides.

Surprisingly, she didn't refuse.She just glanced at me, then smiled and took my hand back.

My heart began to beat faster, my face was hot, I really wanted to hold this hand forever, but it didn't take long before I let it go because I was too shy.Sweaty palms and backs.

It was a humbling memory, but my first kiss was even more embarrassing than that.It was one night after watching the movie and I sent her home. At that time, it was more than a month since we held hands for the first time, and I thought in my heart that I should be able to progress to the next step.

In fact, I have had such an idea for a long time, but it was not until that day that I mustered up the courage to implement this plan.On the way, I quietly chewed a piece of gum, and when I got to her house, I wrapped it in tinfoil and spit it out.

I sent her downstairs in the community, and it stands to reason that it's time to wave goodbye at this time.I quickly kissed her on the cheek, then quickly took two steps back, pretending to say goodbye as if nothing had happened.

I didn't dare to look at her, so I could only aim at her out of the corner of my eye.She froze for a moment, her face was not angry, she smiled as usual and told me to pay attention to safety on the road.

So natural, so peaceful, as if everything is going to happen naturally.

I turned around and left, her face was so soft, I felt like my heart was going to burst!

After walking a few steps, I couldn't help myself, and I couldn't help cheering "Yesi".But in an instant, I felt my gaffe, and quickly looked back.

Fortunately, she has already gone upstairs.

After that, our relationship was still very smooth, but we never did the last thing, until now.

I think our relationship can be so smooth, in addition to the personalities of both parties, there is another very important reason is that her parents are very satisfied with me.

I don't mean to boast, but my conditions are indeed in the past in our county.Both my parents have their own small businesses. There are two houses and two facades for rent at home, and the annual rent is about [-].I have a share, and although Qingshui has no future and can see the end at a glance, I am also very free.Taking time out to write novels on weekdays can also earn thousands of extra income every month.

Of course, I know that my family's conditions are not on the Internet, even in our small county, it can't be said to be top-notch.But in the eyes of ordinary people, this condition is indeed suitable for people who "want to live a good life".

In fact, most of the elders are like this. They don't require the other half of their children to be rich and wealthy. It is better to live in a stable and well-off life than anything else.

So the two got engaged smoothly last month, and the wedding date was set for the National Day holiday in October.

Her parents are quite open-minded, and the bride price is only 12, which is very common here and even relatively low for both families.They also said that they would marry a small car, and then give them to her to take back to Xiaojia.

Before, I always read small essays about bride price from the perspective of men and women on the Internet. Before discussing this matter with her, I was quite nervous, worried that the two sides would argue back and forth, but the process was unexpectedly smooth.

This year's Children's Day, she gave me a Tiga Altman figurine, as well as a handwritten note "I wish XXX (my name) children, happy forever!"

Boys can't keep their hands free when walking on the road. Some people will imitate the shooting action, but I'm a dead house, and I don't play basketball.She asked me what I was gesticulating with my hands, and I said I was firing an Altec laser, maybe that's how she wrote it down.

Although I usually play Taro's stream light, which is also known as "Taro's light", she gave me a Tiga figure.

I was a little surprised when I looked at the packaging, and said it was from Bandai, but she said it was not genuine, and the merchant said it was genuine.I said Bandai is genuine.

She didn't really care about my hobbies, nor was she interested in finding out.But at least she is careful and gentle. In today's world of boxers, such a girl is so rare, right?
But it was hard for me to be happy, and I was getting more and more depressed.Since years later, X asked me to attend a high school class reunion.

Originally, I didn't want to join the class reunion, because I was very homely in high school and didn't have many friends.Besides, I am a liberal arts student, and there are many girls in my classmates.I have never been very good at interacting with girls, and I have no interest in it. I just find it troublesome.

But X was one of the few friends I had from high school, and the only one I still kept in touch with and saw each other over the years.He said that this time is a small gathering for boys, and the class meeting will be next time, so I agreed to go.

X knew about me and her, and asked me with a smirk if I wanted to take her with me. It's a long way to catch up with a high school goddess.

But I don't really want to take her there, maybe it's because of possessiveness, maybe it's because I'm afraid of being teased, or maybe it's because I'm a little inferior and I'm afraid that she will be missed by others. .

I know that I am not outstanding, and many of my classmates in high school are better than me.For example, X is the rich second generation. This guy opened a car 4S shop with the support of his family as soon as he graduated from university.His father's real estate business uses his own house as the venue, saving the storefront fee.I have been dating a college student for the past two years, and both parents know each other.

But even though I didn't want to take her there, since X mentioned it, I still asked her.

In fact, I don't need to ask, X is just joking.But I just screwed up like this. Since someone mentioned this, if I didn't tell her, wouldn't it appear that I was guilty?

I told her that all the people attending the party were my classmates, all boys, and asked her if she would go.

She just smiled and said, I don't know your classmates, so I won't go, you boys have fun.

Well, I said that on purpose, and that's what I wanted.

On the day of the party, X drove to pick me up. There were a total of six boys attending the party, but there were only nine boys in our class, so it was unexpected that so many came.

Getting along with boys is still very relaxed, and there is no scruple in chatting.In the evening, we ate barbecue first, and then went to KTV to sing.I'm tone deaf, so I don't really want to sing, but there is Maiba in the crowd, so I don't look embarrassed even if I don't sing.

In short, at least until the end, the whole party was enjoyable.

After staying in KTV for two or three hours, someone suddenly said that he saw the graduation video of our class on station b a few days ago.

It was not taken by the school official, maybe some school teacher or student secretly took it, and asked us if we want to watch it together.

Naturally, no one objected. This kind of thing is for classmates to watch together during reunions, but one person can't stand it.

The other party sent a video link in the group, and then several people gathered around X's folding screen phone to watch the video.

It can be seen that the person who took the video at the beginning was a novice, the level of camera movement was not high, and the background noise was relatively heavy, although this is more realistic.

I saw the small lake at the gate of the school, the lotus pond and the rattan corridor behind, the empty playground, the nostalgic furnishings in the noisy teaching building, and those classmates from the same school who still had vague impressions.

Not surprised by wine, spring sleeps heavily, and gambling books disappears with the fragrance of tea, it was only normal back then.

But there are not many scenes in the video. Following the flying birds across the sky, the camera turns to the people in the teaching building. The photographer seems to be very naughty, shuttles around the floors, and says "look at the camera, look at the camera" when he sees people.

The reactions of those who entered the camera were also very interesting. Some walked away shyly, some said parting words or dreams about the future to the camera, and some made faces at the camera and made various funny poses.

We talked and laughed while watching, recalling memories, or identifying acquaintances. About two-thirds of the way through the broadcast, I saw her figure, wearing the green black and white school uniform, tied with the ponytail I remembered.

I froze for a moment, before I could react, I saw her boldly leaning against the tall and thin boy beside her, smiling sweetly at the camera: "I want to be with Brother Q forever!"

After she finished speaking, she shyly hid her face behind the boy's back, followed by high-profile booing from her classmates.

At that moment, I only felt a bang in my ear, and my whole body was numb, as if I had been slapped heavily, and my face instantly became hot.

My brain went blank, I was a little dizzy, and I felt like vomiting.

It was also at this moment that the people around seemed to be quiet for an instant.Several lines of sight shot at me almost subconsciously.

I came back to myself, full of shame and hatred.

It was very dark in the KTV, I lowered my head and said nothing, thinking that in this way others would not see my expression at the moment.I thought that nothing happened, I didn't see anything or I didn't care if I saw it.

"This paragraph...is the same as the previous one..."

X said and dragged the progress bar back, no one objected.

"Well, it feels like the back is almost..."

X kept dragging the progress bar. There was still about 10 minutes left for the film, but he finished watching it in less than 1 minute, and no one said anything.

Sing sing! X said, and they picked up the microphone again.As before, I accompanied them with a rattle.

I knew they were taking care of me, but it was deceiving.I know they are deceiving me, and I know they know I am deceiving me too.

It turns out that deception is not a fable, there are such jokes in the world.

Maybe it was because I drank too much water. I wanted to go to the toilet a little bit, but I kept holding back.I was afraid they would talk about me behind my back as soon as I left, and I was afraid they would think I was going to adjust my mentality.

I just wanted to save face so much, I just stuck around in the KTV, smiling all the time, until finally, the party ended smoothly.

We went home separately, and X walked with me, saying that I would drive you.

I said no, no, don’t drive if you’ve been drinking, I’ll just take a taxi.

He was a little confused about today's matter... I didn't look back and said it's okay, it's okay, it's okay!

He also said that xxx told me just now that he really didn't know there was this part in the video... I said it's okay, I'm going home first, and you drive carefully.

He didn't actually drink, and I wasn't mad at him.

I just froze with a smile on my face, and I wanted to rest alone for a while.

I knew she had a boyfriend in high school, not because her mother mentioned it during the blind date, but because she is so famous in our school, she had been gossiped in high school.

Later X also mentioned her to me. She and her ex-boyfriend were together for four years in college.They started dating in the second year of high school, so they should have been together for at least six years.

X told me this incident completely unintentionally, when I had just "pursued" her.I thought it would be embarrassing if I was rejected, so I didn't tell anyone during the process.

But that's when my head was hot, and I couldn't help mentioning X even when I was having dinner with her.Now that she was mentioned, X just mentioned her gossip to me.He also said at the time that they should be getting married soon. I really didn't expect this couple to be together for so long... When I said they broke up, X was surprised and asked me how I knew.

Later, when I learned that I was in a relationship with her, X never mentioned it again.

So I vaguely knew that she had been in a relationship with someone else for a long time.It's not that I don't really care, I just feel like I shouldn't.

Who doesn't want to hold hands with the person they like for the first time until they grow old with each other, but this is definitely unrealistic, right?What era is it now?

As a dick, I have imagined that if I were a super handsome guy, I would have silver parties with beautiful women every day. If this is the case, why should I ask other beautiful women to guard themselves like jade for more than 20 years just to wait for my "favor"?

Yes, everyone understands the truth, but after returning home, someone kept nagging in my ear.

They are laughing at you behind your back now, are you too clown today?
Don't be too self-aware, whoever has nothing to do is gossiping behind others' backs!
She smiled so happily, have you ever seen her like this, this is true love!

The past is all over, now who hasn't talked about a few love affairs, who wasn't naive when they were young?
They've been together for so long, is there anything they haven't done?
Can you guarantee that the next one must be a virgin? You are already 25!

People's relationship for six or seven years, can you just let it go?

How do you know that she won't let you go? Besides, have you never liked other girls before!

She was very good-looking in high school, isn't she, so cute, but she is not yours, what the hell are you looking at other people's wives for?
What happened in the past cannot be changed no matter what, the important thing is the future, the past cannot be refuted, and the coming can still be pursued!
does she like you
"Mlgb, are you annoying!"

Annoying things babbled in my ears for a long time, and I couldn't bear it anymore and punched the table.But there was no one around at all, and I was the only one in the room from the beginning.

I'm depressed.

I didn't message her the next day and she didn't find me.

On the third day, I still didn't send her a message. She called me in the evening to ask me how the party was going.I said it was okay, I ate barbecue and sang songs.

She said whether to go out for a walk, I can't say, I have a little cold, I don't know if it is Eryang, so I won't infect her, so she let me have a good rest.

That's when I realized it was a good excuse to hide at home and lie dead.

In fact, she really doesn't like me.Whether it's holding hands or kissing, it's all my wretched and active posting.I suddenly thought, if it was her "Brother Q" who asked her if she wanted to go to the class reunion, she would definitely go.

I tossed and turned on the bed, thinking wildly, I was so reluctant because she was good-looking.

But, there's really no need for this, is there?

I called X, and I asked what X's impression of her was. X was silent for a while, said that she felt very good and suitable for me, and asked me if I wanted to break up, and advised me to think again.

I stubbornly said no, so I just asked casually.

I have always been like this, desperate to save face, stubborn, arrogant and inferior.

I want to break up, but boys are at a moral disadvantage when they mention breaking up, and it's wrong for boys to mind that it's not the first time for a girl.

I also don't want people to think that I broke up because I cared about that matter. Although I do care, I just don't want people to think that.

That was a complete defeat, a complete loss.

Before X hung up the phone, he said that if he really wanted to break up, he would sleep and then break up. I said fuck off, I am not that kind of person.

It happened that at this time she suddenly sent a WeChat message, saying that she was at my door.

I was so scared that I deleted the last two chat records, got up and opened the door, and she really came to see me.Holding a thermos in her arms, she said that it contained rock sugar pears she cooked.

She came into my house and sat for a while, touched my forehead, and chatted with me for a while.She asked me if there was anything I wanted to eat, and I said there was nothing I wanted to eat, just drink some rock sugar pear water.

In fact, she is really nice, at least no other woman is so nice to me except my mother.Right?
I recovered after two days, it might be better to say that I didn't have Eryang in the first place.We seem to be back to normal, but I know it's only on the surface.

I will never forget that day when everyone was watching, their eyes and small movements made people so ashamed and hated.

It's not about hating her, or X who dragged me to a class reunion, or the old classmate who suggested watching the video.It's more like hating myself for not being the "Brother Q" in the video, why not being with her for so many years.

In fact, this is also normal. I saw that "Brother Q" in high school. He was tall and handsome. Of course, it couldn't be me.

However, what kept me from getting out was not only because of the humiliation in KTV that day, but also because she had been in a relationship with other people for a long time in the past... Although I usually say that it is the bottom line to marry only if you are not, but people like me When Diaosi really meets a beautiful and gentle girl, it is not impossible to lower the bottom line.

What really makes me suffer is the self-competition in my heart.

When holding hands with her, I can’t help but think about the picture of her and brother Q taking a walk under the night with their fingers intertwined. When eating with her, I can’t help thinking about the picture of her mischievously putting dishes that I don’t like into brother Q’s bowl. When the two drink milk tea together, they even think of her puffing her cheeks to taste what brother Q's milk tea tastes like...

It's stupid, I think they are so sweet, why am I so like the mistress who broke up the family!

But I told myself that this is too narrow-minded, isn't this a self-green man?Although she didn't take the initiative to drink my milk tea, but I think this action itself is meaningless. If you really like to drink other people's milk tea, you can buy two cups of the same cup. Not every couple will do it.

After all, I have never been in love, and all my knowledge about love is basically from anime, and the above pictures are also from anime.But no one should be stupid enough to think that the plot in the anime can be true, right?

But apart from that, I still unconsciously deny myself.

Everything between us should be nothing new to her, it was the daily routine she used to repeat with another man.

Will she really be pleasantly surprised when she's with me?She will be happy?I still don't feel surprised for a long time, I just feel bored.

This made me more and more frustrated and cold-hearted.

During this period of time, I wanted to break up several times, but for a social fear like me, it takes courage to break up.

Breaking up is tearing face apart, and a dead house with a flattering personality has the least courage to tear face up with others.What's more, the two parties have met their parents a long time ago, and this is no longer a matter of two people.So it dragged on until the end, and even got engaged.

In fact, I'm not, I'm not 20 years old... I don't have the right to choose like I used to.Besides, would another person be better than her?
Yes, she did almost everything a girlfriend should do, she was very nice to me.

However, when she is kind to me, I will think again, every sweet word she said to me, she has said to other men, she is kind to me, she has also done it to other men in the same way... oh No, it's too self-righteous for me to say that, she should care more about her ex-boyfriend.

After all, their relationship for so many years.

After all, when she said she wanted to be with brother Q forever, I had never seen such a shy and cute expression.

I thought, I should never see you again.

That expression does not belong to her now, nor does it belong to me.

She should kiss him sweetly, call him husband sweetly, lie in his arms and act like a baby, and watch the night view of the city with him... Will she be like me in the future, but I feel a little uncomfortable, with others Don't do with me what you did together!
Sometimes I will see the young and beautiful videos of male and female high school students on places like Hupu b station, and I will find sweet messages about people starting to date and get married in high school on places like Zhihu.

When I saw it in the past, did I only talk about drafting? I'm so envious!Now that I see it, I will only curse a draft in my heart, and then quickly cross it.

Sometimes I don’t even know what I’m fussing about. If I really want to say it, I care too much about it, but the root cause is still a sense of frustration as a man.

It's not about why she wasn't mine for the first time, or why she made me so ashamed, or why her youth belonged to other men... everything is not the essence.

I know I'm phony, but I just hate feeling like this.

I clearly know that she doesn't like me, or that she never loved me like she loved her ex-boyfriend.

She doesn't love me, I'm just a choice to compromise with life after weighing the pros and cons.

She went out to play with me, chatted with me, played games, etc., just as a "girlfriend" routine. Like her parents, she just thought I was a good marriage partner.

All her love has been given to others, and the kindness to me is just an imitation of the past in memory.

Really unwilling.

Recently, I sent her home after dinner, and she asked me twice that there was no one at home, should I go to her house for a while.

Maybe I was too self-conscious, maybe she really meant that and thought we were getting engaged and we could move on to the next step.

But I flinched, I pretended I didn’t understand, I said I’m going back to write novels, recently I’ve written too few novels, readers have already scolded my mother, I’ve got good grades recently, the editor asked me to write more so I can recommend it, recently I’ve written too few novels I have to go back and think about the plot...

The novel is a universal excuse, anyway, laymen don't understand it, and she doesn't read my male harem novels.

When I refused, I was very thankful for my character design. It's normal for a low-eq dead house who doesn't understand amorous feelings, and can't understand hints.

I'm a nerd with no experience, so I really didn't understand.I'm an honest person who blushes when I hold hands, so I definitely don't think about that kind of thing all day long.

Of course I'm not such an honest person, I have more than a T in the hard drive of my study materials, and I'm also cranky when I date beautiful girls.

But if I really wanted to take that step, I was suddenly scared.

I'm afraid that I won't do well the first time, and I'm afraid that she will be disappointed... Of course, it's okay if this is the case, and I'm more afraid of being compared.

For this kind of thing, she will definitely compare me with her ex-boyfriend unconsciously.

Does she really want to do that kind of thing with me?When she and I do that kind of thing, does her brother Q come to mind?
How could there be such a humiliating thing in this world!
This year's Lantern Festival, we went to see the fireworks show held in the county.Two crowded in the crowd, the fireworks are so beautiful.I haven't seen fireworks for a long time, and I'm a little dumbfounded.

Suddenly she said, do you still remember... I waited for a long time before I heard the following, so I asked what I remembered?She shook her head and said nothing, remember wrong.I said you got the wrong person?She didn't answer.

It may be that the fireworks are too loud to hear, or it may be that I don't want to answer.

She should have, really admitted the wrong person.

I think of a high school girl I met in the study room of the bookstore some time ago. She is exactly the high school girl, just like me back then.

We chatted about school, about teachers, and about my high school life.

I talked about a stepped iron frame in the playground, which seemed to be welded with thick iron sheets, and each floor was covered with wooden boards.

During the school sports meeting, many teachers sat on it and used stopwatches to time the time.

That's the only thing it does.

In my memory, the thing was quite high, about seven or eight floors, four to five meters, and each floor had to be supported by the wooden boards on the steps.

Because it is very tall and large, this platform has been placed on the side of the playground. For a while in high school, I would come to the playground to run during evening self-study. When I was tired from running, I sat on the platform to rest.

Immediately, I shamelessly shared my idleness in high school with my school girl, but the school girl said that the platform was torn down in her first year of school.

Before I could recover, she added another sentence very plainly: that thing is too old, so it was removed for safety.

She said it so naturally.

This is indeed a matter of course.

Although she had been proudly putting on the airs of an old senior in front of her, and said condescendingly about how we were back then, it was only at this time that I realized that many years had really passed.

Over the years, I have become less and less concerned about time, perhaps this is a common problem of mediocre people.

Only occasionally in the few words of others, will I remember that I am no longer a teenager.

There is no Jiazi in the mountains, and it is cold and I do not know the year.

This is the opening line of "Journey to the West".

But the same poem, in different moods, has different feelings.

When I first read it as a teenager, I only felt immortal, but now that I think about it, I feel a kind of desolation.

It has been seen that pine and cypress have been destroyed for salaries, and the mulberry field has become a sea.

That rig used to kill a lot of my time.

In summer evening self-study, I would always run to the platform alone and climb up tremblingly.

I am a little afraid of heights, but I like to lie on the top floor, feel the residual heat of the summer day from the wooden boards below me, and blow the evening breeze leisurely.

Until the school bell rang from far away, the classrooms in the teaching building went dark.

Before that, I just lay quietly like that, listening to MP3, looking at the deep sky, my mind was full of fantasies about middle school two.

Dreaming of beautiful girls, dreaming of success and fame.

The playground at night is empty and empty, and I am accompanied by sometimes bright moons and shining stars.

It's hard to tell people what's on your mind, and tell the blue sky and bright moon.

While looking at the bright moon and stars, I thought about Li Bai and Tang Yin. I thought that I, like them, regarded the moon as my only true friend.

Think I'm just like them, depressed and frustrated.

Although I didn't even seriously think about the future, the boy's heart was so restless.

That dilapidated stand is always with me, but I only see the stars and the bright moon.

It was finally dismantled.

I finally remembered it.

I feel that an era is coming to an end, and something is slowly leaving me.

It's a pity that I can't describe this hypocritical feeling with my shallow writing.

I only know that there is one less place to remember, and I will never go back.

The young man was proud of the Lingyun pen, but now, the spring is gone, and the heart is full of desolation.

I failed to live up to my youth's expectations for my future self.In the imagination at that time, I would be an amazing person.

Recently, I always think of that iron frame. The bright moon I looked up at that time always appeared in front of my eyes.

There is also a girl on the rostrum, wearing a black and white school uniform, leading the drill.

I can't seem to remember her face clearly, I just remember that she always tied her ponytail, jumping and flying in the sun.

I think she is like the bright moon.

She wasn't born to be mine, she just happened to be sprinkled on me at this very moment.

Life between heaven and earth is suddenly like a traveler from afar.After the clouds parted, the water flowed for ten years.

Why did the stand be dismantled?

(End of this chapter)