Lonely non-good minister

Song Wei especially wanted to talk about the things that tortured him, but he didn't want to ruin his father's image as a heroic and wise man, and he didn't want the reason why his mother had been neglected for many years to become a topic for outsiders to talk about, and he didn't want to implicate the little Shen family who treated him so well. Song Yuan.

He doesn't know how to judge right and wrong in this relationship. He only knows that if this matter is spoken out, everyone will be hurt, so he can only endure it in his heart, but he is too young and inexperienced to digest this complexity. Song Wei couldn't think of any other way to vent his anger except crying.

He was so tired, and his heart felt like a huge stone weighing on him. He wanted to find someone to talk out all the words that were stuck in his heart, but found that he couldn't find anyone to confide in. This feeling of isolation and helplessness made him collapse even more. He felt I am a loner, and I even suspect that I have failed in doing things over the years.

A backlog of negative emotions made him anxious, insomniac, and depressed. Kneeling in front of his parents' souls, he felt that there was not much meaning in living.

Song Run didn't understand the complicated emotions in his heart, so he could only stay with him quietly without disturbing him, support him when he was crying and couldn't breathe, and waited until he fell asleep after crying. He asked someone to bring him hot water, twisted the handkerchief and carefully wiped his face clean, and asked someone to prepare something to eat when he woke up.

Song Wei was not seen during the night vigil, so Song Yuan asked and found out that he was resting next door, and felt a little relieved.

"This kid is not in the right mood. You are of the same age and he is close to you. Please go over and talk to him later." Song Run looked worried: "He has something stuck in his heart and is holding it back, for fear of losing money. My own body.”

Song Yuan nodded and waited until the chamberlain told him that Song Wei was awake before she got up and went over.

The waiters brought the meals that had been prepared long ago. The dishes were steaming hot. Even though they were just vegetarian dishes, they were cooked very delicately. However, Song Wei had no appetite when he looked at them. His face was numb, his expression was haggard, and the corners of his mouth were wrinkled. The skin turned white.

"Eat something." Song Yuan sat down opposite him: "I happen to be hungry too, let's eat something together."

Song Wei looked up at her with complicated eyes. He wanted to say something but couldn't.

He really wanted to ask Song Yuan if he knew about Song Chun's affair with Xiao Shen, but he was worried that Uncle Jiu would fall into the same trouble as himself.

Song Yuan took two bites by herself and saw that he was still moving his chopsticks. He first glanced at the dishes on the table, and then asked: "Don't you like it?" When she couldn't get an answer from Song Wei, she turned to the waiter and ordered: "Let the kitchen Make some dishes that Wei Ge likes to eat on weekdays, and then go to Lechang Palace to tell Aunt Chunyang and ask her to prepare some snacks, and make it clear that they are for Wei Ge."

The waiter responded and left. Song Yuan continued to eat and said very casually: "I have something hidden in my heart but I don't know who to tell. I feel bad."

Song Wei plucked the vegetables in the bowl and inevitably paused when he heard this: "Uncle Ninth also feels this way?"

"Why not?" Song Yuan brought him some food: "When I was not sensible before, I liked to tell my mother everything. No matter how difficult or tangled things were, I would feel much more relaxed when I told them. But later I became sensible. , I have a lot to think about and worry about, and I think I can’t go to my mother for everything, so I can only hold it in. Every time at this time, I think, how come I don’t even have a friend to whom I can freely express my feelings? Obviously there are friends on weekdays. There were so many friends with whom I could discuss strategies, but when I really wanted to express my true feelings, I couldn't find anyone. Later I realized that I have different needs for different people.

Some people can accompany me up the mountain of swords and the sea of ​​fire, some can give me advice, and some can share weal and woe with me, but none of them are suitable for me to open my heart, so I can only hold it in. If I hold it in for a long time, I will I felt depressed and uncomfortable, and gradually I didn't like talking about these things anymore, so I controlled my mouth and my heart.

What's funny is that after I lost interest in sharing my joys, sorrows, sorrows, and joys with others, I was praised for being steady. I think it's quite ridiculous. I'm not steady anymore. It's just that I've learned to be tolerant. This forbearance is forced out of my inner isolation and helplessness. Yes, it has nothing to do with stability, but I am too lazy to defend myself. "

Song Wei took a bite of the food in the bowl, but he couldn't taste it. He chewed it in his mouth for a long time without swallowing it, and he was still worried.

"Your mother's death" Song Yuan took the initiative to mention: "It might not be a relief."

Mentioning Mrs. Lin, Song Wei felt a pain in his heart. He lowered his head and asked, "Uncle Jiu, does my mother deserve death for her crime?"

"I can't answer this for you. I can only tell you that your mother really wants you to inherit the throne, but uncles like us are the roadblocks for you to inherit the throne. Therefore, in order for you to inherit the throne, you must get rid of us. However, there are many talented people in the Wei Dynasty. Your competitors are not just the eight of us. There are more than ten people from the royal family who are your contemporaries and are qualified to ascend the throne. With only a few of us alive, the throne passed from your father to your father as usual. No one else can fault it in your hands, but if it is passed to your hands without your father's generation, the meaning will change. Not to mention what we will think, those royal families will cause trouble, and the Wei Dynasty will definitely be in civil strife."

Song Wei lowered his eyes: "How can I cause chaos in the Wei Dynasty for my own benefit?"

"You are not a child anymore. I think you must have worried about it. If your mother insists on fighting for the throne and offends us uncles, how will you, a junior, deal with it? You must have considered whether you can be with us. Fighting, you must be afraid, but you are filial. Your mother's love for you when you were young will make you feel soft and overwhelmed. You know she is wrong but can't bear to reject her. This kind of contradictory emotion will make you feel guilty over and over again. Torture.”

These words touched Song Wei's heart. He pursed his lips and the flesh of his cheeks kept trembling.

Song Yuan continued to serve him food: "If it is a small family and the matters involved are innocuous, who will care about the wrong indulgence and favoritism towards the elders once or twice? But for a large family, where life and death are related to the overall situation, filial piety cannot be the top priority. Sometimes being an unfilial person is the best way to preserve your family. To keep your parents happy without correcting your mistakes is actually stupid and will make it difficult to achieve great things."

"I understand what Uncle Jiu means." Song Wei's voice was choked with sobs. Song Yuan said so much, and his meaning was obvious. Lin's death was unjust. Even though he felt uncomfortable in his heart, he had to accept this fact. After sighing, he poured some water into the bowl. The food was eaten cleanly.

Song Yuan put some vegetables into his bowl: "Sometimes, it is not immoral to admit that your parents are a burden to you. It is human nature to seek advantages and avoid disadvantages. No one is a perfect gentleman, so why bother? What do others say about using high standards of morality to disguise yourself? To be honest about your despicableness is the greatest sincerity."