Get off work and become a magical girl

Chapter 66

"Delphinium!"

She suddenly said loudly: "I, I actually have a more negative, or cowardly thought! I think I have to say it!"

"Before I didn't know the real cause of my mother's death, I could still look at the dangers faced by magical girls with a normal heart. However, since I knew the truth, I began to feel entangled!"

"I can't tell if it's hate or fear, I don't know which emotion is more. But I know, I feel disgusted with my own thoughts."

Hearing her words, Delphinium did not comment directly, but asked instead: "Why? Because of your mother?"

"...I've been thinking about these things for the past few days, and I'm beginning to feel that knowing the truth is actually not so good."

Lin Xiaolu replied with a complex expression: "Just 'knowing that magical girls are at risk of dying' is completely different from "knowing that magical girls are dead."

"Obviously, I thought it was something far away from me before, but it seemed to happen to me all of a sudden. Even when I was dreaming, I began to feel restless."

"It's weird, right? I've been a magical girl for so long, but I didn't feel scared until these days. Even compared to feelings like 'revenge', I think more about 'retreat' and 'escape' ’. Because I would think, if one day I meet the enemy who killed my mother, will I die like my mother?”

"I had the idea of ​​'revenge', but I was afraid of 'revenge', and even wanted to stay away from it, and continued to pretend that I didn't know."

"But if this is the case, can I still be worthy of my mother? What is the significance of my gaining this power? Thinking of this, even the belief in continuing to fight began to shake."

"Does it sound ridiculous? Obviously, I have always wanted to know the truth about my mother's death. But after knowing the truth, I began to regret it. My heart is full of negative emotions: fear, guilt, self-denial... Let me I think it’s better not to know.”

"I am indeed a very bad person. I told Delphinium before that I wanted to become stronger and to be your support, but because I knew a little more about such things, I started to waver and started to feel scared."

"Obviously Xia Liang also found out about this, but she even reached the Bud level so quickly, I'm still..."

Her words stopped.

Because she suddenly realized that a somewhat cold palm held her hand.

"Why do you feel sorry for something like this?"

Delphinium looked at her seriously: "Before becoming a magical girl, you were just a child who didn't grow up. Fear of death is an instinct that adults can't escape. Why do you belittle yourself because of this?"

"However, if I don't stand up and take revenge, my mother's death will be..." Lin Xiaolu said in a hurry.

"No one has to stand up, Bai Mei."

Delphinium squeezed her hand tightly and interrupted her: "Revenge should not be considered by you. As Sakura's teammate, revenge is something we adults do."

"Don't think about revenge?"

Lin Xiaolu asked blankly: "In that case, how can I feel at ease? What should I do? Can I really continue to immerse myself in my own world like I didn't know anything?"

"It will always be like this, defeating some weak beasts like playing house, and then tell yourself with self-satisfaction, did I protect this city?"

"Even if that's the case, will there be an enemy that I can't deal with suddenly appear one day, and then I will, I will..."

She felt her thoughts were messed up.

As she herself said, a lot of negative feelings were all mixed together, making her self-identity lower than ever.

But what she doesn't know is that, in fact, most of the children will fall into a certain degree of confusion after becoming magical girls because of pure impulse or yearning.

For Lin Xiaolu, the opportunity to feel this confusion was the truth of her mother's death.

When she first learned of this information, she may have felt the longing for her mother first.But what followed was a strong sense of dislocation.

For a long time, Lin Xiaolu, who has pinned her heart on magical girl animation, has a too beautiful and one-sided imagination for the word "magical girl".

It seems that all things about magical girls have a filter in her heart, as long as there is a little relationship, it will become full of dreams and fairy tales.

That's why she has no hesitation in becoming a magical girl, and she will be quite brave when fighting the beasts, just because in her mind, she has become the "protagonist".It is supposed to be separated from all the bad things in reality, and it is in a dream.

It's just that such a filter was shattered when he learned the truth about his mother's death and that his progress in practice was not as good as that of his companions.

The concept of "Magic Girl" overlapped more and more with reality in her cognition, which made her unable to regard this word as a spiritual sustenance full of imagination, which in turn brought many thoughts about the real situation. think.

Responsibility, crisis, loss, death... Many unavoidable negative concepts come from the other side of the filter and become Lin Xiaolu's new troubles.

Because of this, at such times, she would subconsciously seek help from Delphinium, the magical girl in her mind.After all, for her, the delphinium is the place where this "filter" is best preserved.

Delphinium couldn't think so deeply about these matters, but this did not prevent her from feeling that Lin Xiaolu urgently needed her help.

These troubles and anxieties seem to have two common sources-insecurity and low self-esteem.

So, what should I say to my daughter, and what can I do to make my daughter feel better now?
After she figured this out, she already realized what she was going to do.In a word: Make up for the leaks.

"Bai Mei, don't be so anxious."

So, after sorting out her inner thoughts, Delphinium took the initiative to say: "I have always told you, don't aim too high. This attitude is not only reflected in honor and strength, but also in the meaning of life."

"Feel it seriously, do I really exist here?"

Stretching out the other hand, delphinium held Lin Xiaolu's palm lightly with both hands: "Can you feel it? I'm standing here right now, in front of you, holding your hand."

Lin Xiaolu looked down, then nodded blankly.

"Then you should understand that this is your true feeling, this is the reality you have."

Delphinium looked at her with a serious tone: "It's not that you are alone in the face of hatred, enemies, and unknown crises. The reality is that I am here, and I will guide you and protect you, so You'll be fine."

"If you feel confused now, don't worry, think slowly, and decide slowly."

"If you are afraid of fighting, I will kill the enemy; if you don't want revenge, I will avenge Sakura; you can think slowly about things you can't figure out, because you are still a child, and you still have a lot of time to grow .”

"Even if you say that you don't want to be a magical girl anymore, and you want to stay away from dangerous battles and become an ordinary girl, then..."

Having said that, she suddenly stopped.

As if thinking of something in an instant, delphinium pursed her lips slightly, struggling vaguely, but this expression was only fleeting, and her cold gaze turned into a slightly kind gaze after touching Lin Xiaolu: "That's okay, after all, you know , I am a 'big shot', I can do this kind of thing."

What she didn't say is that under normal circumstances, if a magical girl wants to become an ordinary person again, there are only two ways to go: reporting to the royal court or retiring normally.Among them, the former process is even just a decoration, and almost no one goes through it.

Lin Xiaolu will not know this, and there is no need to know.

She was still dazed, but after hearing what the delphinium said, she slowly shook her head:
"I won't, I want to continue being a magical girl."

"Is this your truth?" Delphinium asked softly beside her.

"……Um."

The slack eyes refocused, Lin Xiaolu nodded firmly and said, "Only this is the only thing I'm sure of, because even now, magical girls are still my dream."

Even though there were all kinds of distracting thoughts in her mind, what she was confused and confused was always "how to become a good magical girl", not "whether or not to continue to be a magical girl".

As for what Delphinium said, she will be here with her...

"But, delphinium, you will go, right?"

Thinking of this, she had a few different thoughts: "You are a big shot in the magic kingdom, and you came to Fangting City for a short stay. No matter how much you stay, you will leave here one day, right?"

"On that day, after you leave...does it mean that when I see you again, I will have to look at you from a distance like the mayor or other officials?"

Delphinium was silent.

She tried to let go of her hand, but found that Lin Xiaolu had already grasped it with her backhand at some point, and she couldn't pull it out.

There was no effort to break free, and the two remained in a stalemate for a while, before she nodded calmly: "Well, I will go, the only thing I can't lie to you is this."

It's just that the reason was different from what Lin Xiaolu thought, and it wasn't because she was an "inspector".

"Sure enough, it will."

Hearing her answer, Lin Xiaolu's expression became a little disappointed: "In that case, the days like this summer won't be long, right?"

The first thought in her heart was reluctance, but soon, she convinced herself.

For herself, the past few months since she met Delphinium have been like a wonderful dream to her: she became a magical girl, met new friends, learned the true identity of her mother, and her relationship with her father improved. Quite a lot, even schoolwork has improved under Delphinium's teaching.

Even if there are new troubles now, it's not delphinium's fault, it's just that I can't help thinking too much.

She told herself that she had gained so much because of the arrival of the other party, and she should not continue to be greedy.

——"However, the time to leave is dominated by you."

What Lin Xiaolu didn't expect was that under the flat tone, Delphinium's words suddenly reversed: "I will wait until you, you, Xia Liang, and even your entire team have grown up and can be alone. , I will leave."

These words made Lin Xiaolu stay where she was for a while.

Taking this opportunity, Delphinium let go of her hand quietly: "In this way, will you feel a little bit more secure?"

"But, but, like me, if I want to become a powerful magical girl, maybe I won't be able to until I retire..." Still shocked by what Delphinium said, Lin Xiaolu couldn't choose what to say.

"Then wait until you retire." Delphinium said lightly, turning her face to the side.

After hearing such a statement, Lin Xiaolu felt her heartbeat stop.

An indescribable feeling, maybe it should be named as a feeling of happiness that was flattered, rushed to my heart in an instant.

She couldn't help clutching her chest, and said in a low voice, "In that case, it would be ten years..."

"Well, ten years." Delphinium remained indifferent.

This made Lin Xiaolu feel even more unbelievable: "But there's no reason for that. Why did Delphinium do this? For someone like me... Even if you say you're very close to my mother, I don't think I'm worth it."

"Who ever said you weren't worth it?"

With one hand on her hip, delphinium squinted at Lin Xiaolu: "If even you yourself have given up hope and stopped facing up to your own possibilities, how can you become what you want to be?"

"But can I really go that far?" Lin Xiaolu was still not confident.

"Didn't Mok say that? You are a genius."

"It said it was lying to me casually..."

"That's what I said before. Sometimes even the fairies themselves can't tell the truth from the falsehood."

Looking at the river in the distance, Delphinium calmly said: "The reason why I choose to stay in Fangting City, as you think, is indeed because of your mother, and also because this is the city where I was once stationed, and I don't want it to be destroyed. The beast is destroyed."

"However, it is impossible for me to stay here forever. After Sakura dies, the old generation like us must pass the baton to the next generation."

"I saw you and Xia Liang here, and I also got to know you, so I believe in the possibility of you as the next generation."

"Maybe Moke just said it casually, maybe you don't believe in yourself, but I believe that one day, you will become a magical girl who can protect anyone."

"The so-called ten years is just a bet and the bottom line. In my opinion, you will definitely become stronger, and it will definitely not take that long."

Delphinium's judgment was so decisive that Lin Xiaolu finally felt that the haze in her heart had been cleared away a lot.

The hand covering her heart gradually clenched into a fist, and the light appeared in her eyes again: "Delphinium, do you believe me?"

"As many times as I ask, the answer is the same, I believe."

Taking a few steps back, Delphinium looked at her daughter calmly: "So don't belittle yourself, look up, you are no worse than anyone else."

After finishing speaking, she half turned around, made a gesture of going forward, and finally confirmed to Lin Xiaolu: "Is there anything else you want to ask?"

Lin Xiaolu looked at the figure of the petite girl in front of her, and the last bit of confusion in her expression gradually faded away, and the originally gloomy expression became brighter, even faintly soft.

She shook her head and stopped talking, but followed the delphinium with small steps and walked forward side by side.

The crisp footsteps resounded on the empty bridge deck again, but unlike the dull sound when they came, the sound now is lighter and more orderly.The footsteps slowly moved from the center of the bridge to the opposite bank, crossed the river, crossed the long sidewalk, and finally, gradually disappeared into the unknown distance on the other bank.

(End of this chapter)