Entertainment: The opening and the official announcement of the national goddess

Chapter 873 Impromptu performance, live questioning

Guo Xiaogang in the background praised: "Do you understand, this is a satirical cross talk."

The members of Deyunju around nodded, their eyes full of admiration.

Yu Qian said on the stage: "You are still a cultured thief!"

Zhang Xiaodao: "That is, the most terrible thing is to set up a board and issue a target of several thousand yuan."

Yu Qiandao: "That's not easy, just go and steal it!"

Zhang Xiao sighed: "It's easier said than done, stealing big pieces now, we have few manpower, stealing small pieces is not worth it."

"I dare not take the passbook if I steal it, and I am afraid of bumping into each other if I steal it. I am always tired and hard. I can't steal tens of thousands of dollars a day."

Yu Qian exclaimed, "Tens of thousands of dollars is still too little?"

Zhang Xiao said with a wry smile: "The key is not enough flowers."

Yu Qiandao: "As for?"

Zhang Xiao glanced at him and said, "What do you know, I'll figure it out for you."

Yu Qiandao: "Okay, do the math."

Zhang Xiaodao: "There are more than 100 members in our company. They eat, drink, sleep, walk, sit, lie, and walk. Does this cost money?"

Yu Qian nodded and said, "Well, it costs money."

Zhang Xiao said again: "Going to the tourist spots endlessly to study and hold meetings, will it cost money?"

"That's not counting, our management has to go abroad for an exam."

"You said you were a thief company, why did you go abroad to investigate?"

"It is said to be learning advanced foreign theft technology."

"Pfft!"

"Hahaha!"

At this time, the audience has already heard that this skit is satirizing the phenomenon that some units are overstaffed.

Yu Qian added: "This is already to go out of Asia and sneak into the world!"

Zhang Xiaodao: "What is the most intolerable thing? It is to see other companies advertise on TV, and our company will also advertise."

"What?" Yu Qian's eyes widened, and he exclaimed, "Your thief company also wants to advertise?"

Zhang Xiao nodded, and said, "Well, the advertisements are all written."

Yu Qiandao: "What word?"

Zhang Xiao said with a high voice, full of emotion: "Friend, do you want to get rich quickly? Please join the Thief Company, which can make you a package bender overnight, the contact person of this company..."

Yu Qian asked, "Who is it?"

"It is not suitable to spread."

"Where's the phone number?"

"Secret for now!"

"Where's the phone number?"

"No comment!"

"company address?"

"One shot for another place."

The two asked and answered, making the audience laugh again.

Yu Qiandao: "Who can find this?"

Zhang Xiaodao: "For this reason, the police blocked us several times. I saw this posture and quickly wrote a report: In view of the tight rumors, I suggest that all the company's personnel be transferred immediately. Please give instructions."

Yu Qian asked, "Have you handed it over?"

Zhang Xiaodao: "Give it to the deputy team leader. The deputy team leader took it over and took a look. First, he drew a circle."

"Draw a circle?"

"Well, this is called Quan Yun'er, which means basically agreeing, please let the team leader decide."

"This is still the team leader's business!"

"The team leader took it over and took a look, and drew a circle again, and asked the deputy section chief to make a decision, and then the deputy section chief, and the section chief drew circles one by one, and handed them up one by one, and finally asked the general manager to make a decision."

Yu Qian stretched out five fingers and said, "This is five circles!"

Zhang Xiao praised: "If you want to talk about the efficiency of work, it's still our general manager. Take it over and look at it, five circles, and immediately understand, pick up the pen, and scribbled a few words."

Yu Qian asked curiously, "How did you approve it?"

Zhang Xiao said: "Agreed! Go to the Olympics to steal!"

"Hahaha!"

"Killing me!"

"Five laps, Olympic Games, nothing wrong!"

"This cross talk is really great."

The audience roared with laughter.

Zhang Xiao continued: "Before the report was finished, the police uncle hulahula blocked us in the house and stole it."

"When I put on the cold handcuffs, I thought, it's over, it's over, the more I despair, the more regretful I become, the more regretful and annoyed I am."

"I'm angry from the heart, evil grows from the guts, I... you... Uncle Policeman..."

Yu Qian asked, "What do you want to say?"

Zhang Xiao cried and said, "Uncle policeman, you have too many ranks, it's harmful!"

"Hahahaha!"

Amidst the wild laughter of the audience, the cross talk between Zhang Xiao and Yu Qian ended.

Zhang Xiao was about to go down, Guo Xiaogang came up directly and said: "Mr. Zhang, please stay."

How could Zhang Xiao not know what Guo Xiaogang wanted to do, and immediately said: "Mr. Guo, we agreed, after today's cross talk performance, I will go down and rest."

Guo Xiaogang asked, "Who did you talk to?"

Zhang Xiao pointed at Yu Qian and said, "Teacher He Yu!"

Yu Qian nodded, and said: "It is true that I told me, it's just brothers, I don't care about Deyunju, you and Mr. Guo are the bosses!"

Zhang Xiao was immediately happy, and said with a smile: "Understood, Teacher Yu, I just fell into your trap?"

Yu Qiandao: "Since you've already fallen into it, you should just lie flat. Besides, everyone wants you to play on stage for a while, am I right?"

"Yes!" The audience shouted in unison.

Zhang Xiao shook his head, pointed at the audience, and said, "You guys are all the ones who watch the fun and are not afraid of big things. The point is that I really don't know what to say!"

Guo Xiaogang said: "That's not important, let's just chat casually. You are very busy this year, and you actually won the World Cup on behalf of the national football team. This is too amazing."

Zhang Xiao sighed, and said: "There is no way, the main reason is that he is too good, he will shine everywhere."

"Hahaha!" The audience laughed.

Yu Qiandao: "Could this be the legendary Versailles?"

Zhang Xiao gave a thumbs up, showing a shocked expression, and said, "Teacher Yu, you are so smart, this is indeed Versailles."

"Hahaha!"

Guo Xiaogang waved his hand and said, "Everyone, don't laugh. I said the World Cup is not about football, but I want to ask Mr. Zhang a question."

Zhang Xiao looked at Guo Xiaogang curiously, and said, "What's the problem?"

Guo Xiaogang said, "How much money did you earn from the World Cup?"

"Woo~~~" The audience booed after hearing this question.

Zhang Xiao rubbed his nose and asked, "Mr. Guo, who said I made money?"

"Call~~~" The audience all uttered a cry.

Guo Xiaogang laughed and said, "Have you heard that? In fact, everyone knows that you bought a lot of lottery tickets abroad, and the media have reported it."

Zhang Xiaodao: "Teacher Guo, is this a cross talk stage, or a reporter's interview?"

Guo Xiaogang said: "As long as everyone is willing to listen to it, it doesn't matter what kind of program it is."

Yu Qian said angrily: "Brother, don't you want to go down to rest earlier, then stop talking nonsense and hurry up."

Zhang Xiao nodded and said, "Okay, I'll pay the truth, it's less than 1000 billion."

"How much?" Guo Xiaogang shouted: "1000 billion? My God."

Yu Qiandao: "This is too scary, how much is it?"

Zhang Xiao said: "Three thousand five!"

"Pfft!" Guo Xiaogang made a speechless expression at the same time.

"Hahaha!" The audience laughed loudly.

Yu Qiandao: "If this answer can be described in one word, it would be disgusting."

Zhang Xiaodao: "If you ask this kind of question, I will definitely not answer it. How about it, let me ask you a few questions."

Guo Xiaogang rolled up his sleeves and said, "You ask."

Zhang Xiaodao: "May I ask why the husband talks all the time when the wife is angry?"

Guo Xiaogang said: "Is there even a need to talk about it, it's too noisy."

Zhang Xiao said playfully: "You say you can't quarrel with sister-in-law, even if you kill me, I don't believe it."

Guo Xiaogang said: "The key is that she doesn't move her hands!"

"Hahaha!" Everyone laughed.

Zhang Xiaodao: "Someone asked me this question before, and I answered it like this. My wife got angry, and I kept silent, because she didn't listen to what I said, she didn't understand when I heard it, and he didn't do it when he understood it. She did it wrong again."

"She didn't admit it when she made a mistake, she didn't change it when she recognized it, she refused to accept it when she changed it, she still called me fierce if she didn't accept it, she said I scolded her, and asked me to apologize."

"It doesn't matter if you apologize. The key is to be honest. I really thought I was wrong."

"Pfft!"

"Hahaha!"

This series of words, Zhang Xiao said very Liuli, directly made the audience burst into laughter.

Yu Qiandao: "Brother, your family is really miserable."

Zhang Xiao sighed and said: "There is no way, this is fate!"

Yu Qiandao: "Then let me ask you a question, how can one marry a wife in modern society."

Zhang Xiao thought for a while and said: "Sixty years ago, you could marry a wife if you had food; 60 years ago, you could marry a wife if you had meat; 50 years ago, you could marry a wife if you had a bicycle; 40 years ago, you could marry a wife with a color TV refrigerator." You can marry a wife, you can marry a wife if you have a house 30 years ago, you can marry a wife if you have a house and a car ten years ago, and now you marry a wife when you are sick."

"Pfft!"

"Woo~~~"

The audience burst into laughter.

Guo Xiaogang stretched out his thumb and said, "High!"

Yu Qiandao: "I'm really convinced, then let me ask again, what do you think is the most important thing about people?"

"Health!" Zhang Xiao replied without hesitation.

Yu Qian asked, "Why?"

Zhang Xiaodao: "When a man loses his health, his wife becomes someone else's bride. When a woman loses her health, her husband refurbishes a new house. If the poor lose their health, it will make things worse. If the rich lose their health, they will spend their whole life in vain."

"Love your wife, love your children, love your family, but if you don't love your health, it's nothing. If you have money, you have the right to success. If you don't have health, it's nothing."

"Clap clap clap!"

"Hahaha!"

Applause and laughter once again swept the entire scene.

Zhang Xiao's answer was absolutely amazing.

Guo Xiaogang said: "Are you guys ready? Why doesn't it sound like I'm hanging out?"

Yu Qian immediately said: "I can guarantee with my own personality, we only prepared "A Company of Thieves" before, and just arrived at the show without any preparation, it was completely impromptu."

Guo Xiaogang nodded, and said, "Then let me ask one more question, Mr. Zhang, what do you think about making money?"

Zhang Xiao thought for a while, and said: "Making money is a kind of ability, spending money is a kind of technology, ability is limited, but technology is very high!"

"Puff!" Guo Xiaogang burst out laughing, and said, "I give full marks to this answer."

The audience at the scene also gave warm applause.

Yu Qian's heart moved, and he said, "How about asking the audience to ask a few questions?"

Guo Xiaogang agreed immediately: "Okay!"

The first spectator sitting in the front row reacted the fastest, stood up and shouted: "I have a question!"

Guo Xiaogang said: "You ask!"

The audience said: "I want to travel during Chinese New Year, but my wife doesn't agree, what should I do, God Xiao?"

Zhang Xiao asked back: "Do you know what tourism is?"

The audience was taken aback, and said, "Traveling means going to other places?"

"Totally wrong!" Zhang Xiao shook his head and said, "Let me tell you, travel is to run from a place where one is tired of living to a place where others are tired of living, and then cross off one's own money to make others rich, and finally satisfy oneself." The body is exhausted, the pockets are empty, and I return to the place where I am tired of work, and continue to live tenaciously."

"Papa papa!" The audience applauded thunderously.

Yu Qian asked, "Brother, do you still want to travel?"

The audience waved their hands and said, "I won't even go if I'm beaten to death."

Another young viewer stood up and shouted: "I'm 23 years old, but I don't want to go to work, what should I do?"

Zhang Xiao replied: "This is a kind of pathology of young people. I have summed it up before. Continuous reluctance to go to work, indirect resignation, short-term travel, continuous desire to lose weight, occasional loss and collapse."

"Looked down at the balance of the mobile phone, and the illness was cured all at once."

"Hahahaha!"

Everyone laughed when they heard Zhang Xiao's answer.

Guo Xiaogang said: "Hurry up, whoever has a problem, he must be stumped."

A girl stood up and said, "Xiao Shen, why did you kneel on one knee when you proposed?"

Zhang Xiao replied without hesitation: "This question is really too simple, because kneeling on both knees is going to the grave."

···
"Xiao Shen, may I ask whether a man should start a family or a career first?"

Zhang Xiaodao: "When you meet a good man, you start a family first, when you meet a noble man, you start a business first, when you meet a rich woman, you start a family and start a business immediately."

"Xiao Shen, may I ask what you need to do to fall in love?"

Zhang Xiao replied: "There is nothing to pay attention to. In my opinion, falling in love is like a washing machine. It soaks you first, then clings to you, revolves around you, stirs together like glue, and finally squeezes you dry and washes you. Hang it aside to dry you."

"Shen Xiao, may I ask if you should be reasonable?"

"No, I think whoever is reasonable is unlucky."

"why?"

"If you reason with your friends, you don't want to get along. If you reason with your superiors, you don't want to hang out. If you reason with your parents, you don't want to be filial. If you reason with your wife, you don't want to live. If you reason with yourself, you don't want to live."

"Xiao Shen, what are the characteristics of class reunions?"

"At classmate reunions, the bold ones usually get under the covers, the timid ones chatter, the one-hearted ones sing more songs, and the unconscionable ones drink to death."

"Xiao Shen, how can I offend three people at the same time with one sentence?"

"It's very simple, you go back and tell your mother-in-law, mother-in-law, your level of finding a husband is worse than mine."

One after another, the questions hit Zhang Xiao like a cannonball. Zhang Xiao was always able to find the funniest answers in the shortest possible time.

Not to mention the ordinary audience, even Guo Xiaogang and Yu Qian on the stage had already laughed and squatted on the ground.

There were many funny answers to these questions in the previous life. For Zhang Xiao who has a system, naturally there is no problem.

"It's too powerful, this reaction ability is too strong."

"No wonder he can become the best goalkeeper in the world. With his reflexes, he is absolutely amazing."

"Shen Xiao is indeed God Xiao, every answer is so appropriate."

"Convinced, convinced!"

The disciples of Deyunju were discussing in the background.

After answering more than 20 questions in a row, Zhang Xiao felt that it was almost done, and said, "Stop, Deyunju is the protagonist today, and I'm just a supporting role, so I won't take the lead."

"Mr. Guo, Mr. Yu, it's getting late, you guys hurry up!"

"I have to go back, if I get home late, I will kneel on the washboard!"

Hearing Zhang Xiao's words, everyone burst out laughing.

Half an hour later, the box-sealing performance of Deyunju was successfully completed, and Guo Xiaogang invited all the stars who came to watch the performance to have a supper.

When Zhang Xiao returned home after eating supper, it was already three o'clock in the morning.

He didn't bother Yang Mi's rest, but found a random room to sleep all night.

Soon, the video of Deyunju's box-sealing performance was broadcast on the night stations of major video screens.

(End of this chapter)