Demolition Earth

Chapter 29 About Death
White walls, white beds, white... disease, leading to white death.

In the small town where Du Yan thought she was going to die, Du Yan had planned a cemetery and funeral for herself.Before she went, she had learned about it on the Internet, and the terminal illness was terribly painful in the middle and late stages. Of course, she did not have the courage to face the pain, so she prepared some sleeping pills, intending to use them to end herself when she finally couldn't bear it.

She had already found a small wasteland, which was behind a small hill far away from the village and inaccessible.Because the slope is relatively steep, no one grows vegetables, and it is covered with all kinds of wild flowers and weeds.

When Du Yan went, she also saw many small insects in summer, some she knew, ants, praying mantises, butterflies, and more she didn't know, but as soon as she thought about it, these little creatures would become her neighbors, and she I just thought they were cute.

Maybe I can be their dinner, and then incarnate as part of another life.She will become a part of a butterfly, flying freely in the sky; become a part of a snail, crawling hard on the ground; become a part of a spider, and willfully form webs that she likes between the sky and the earth... and then Like these transformations, aging, reproduction, death...

It took her two days to dig her own hole, which should be considered the heaviest physical labor she has ever done in her life.Although the rain has softened the soil, it is still a difficult job for her.At the beginning, she just wanted to dig a shallow hole where she could lie down, but after she finished digging, she felt that it was not deep enough, and maybe a heavy rain could wash herself out.So she continued to dig until she reached the bottom, until the ground was completely covered with rocks that could not be dug.

After completing the pit, she laughed for a long time in the rain, as if she had completed a very remarkable and important job.In the end, she even tried lying down in the pit. There was already accumulated muddy water in the pit. The feeling of lying in it was like taking a bath. She flattened the stones under the mud bathtub symbolically, so that they No longer feel the pinch, even if it is completely finished.

Every few days, she would take time to look at the small hole she dug.The bottom of the pit has begun to grow some green, probably because of the slope, and the accumulated water inside is also drained quickly, which saves the drainage work she originally planned.

She took a lot of photos around this small pit with her mobile phone, and finally went home to carefully select and modify them until she felt that there was nothing to modify, and then she was satisfied.

All the preparatory work has been completed, and then, all you need to do is wait for the god of death to approach you step by step.

In reality, her life has always been step-by-step. In her childhood, she had an ordinary home, which was warm but noisy. Her parents would quarrel over various inexplicable things, except for her to study hard.So she also thought that studying was the most important thing, but as she grew up, she began to realize that it was not.The praise and praise you get from learning is like candy from adults to children. It is sweet and cheap, and it is easy to get bored.

When she was a girl, like many girls, she believed that love was the most important thing, but people will continue to grow up, and she soon discovered that it was not the case.At best, love is the candy that hormones give to oneself. It is intermittently longing for and intermittently bored. A rational person will soon be able to see through this set of genetic tricks.

Entering university, as the types of cosmetics on girls' faces increase, the colors in their lives also begin to become more colorful.In high school, everyone either works hard or "degenerates"-in high school, not paying attention to class seems to mean degenerate.The boundaries seem to be clear.But in college, there are all kinds of people, there are many ways to work hard, and there are also many ways to degenerate. However, there are few people who have pure efforts and degenerates. Most people just struggle in it.Most of the time, most people just do not work hard and do not degenerate.

At this time, she began to realize that maybe there is no important thing in life, not only for herself, but also for others.Because if it exists and can be recognized by everyone, everyone will either catch up or give up, and it will definitely not be what it is now.

Since this important goal does not exist, keeping yourself happy seems to be of secondary importance.

The method is almost the same, and life often likes to play tricks on people's innocence.

She soon lost even the second-best pleasures.

University is a wonderful world, but there is not much excitement in it. On the contrary, everyone feels bored and many people do some interesting things.

She also doesn't remember exactly when she was photographed by some school flower material collection team passing by. Without knowing it, she got the title of school flower inexplicably, and then all of a sudden, her peaceful life was captured broken.

She suddenly had a lot of friends and admirers. When going to dinner, someone would ask if they could sit together. When going to class, someone would stuff love letters or roses on the table, chocolates that could never be eaten, and invitations to many events.

These unexpected surprises made her feel a little scared. When she looked in the mirror many times, she wondered, since when did she start to be considered a very beautiful girl by everyone?Is it because my image and temperament have really undergone some earth-shaking changes, or has it always been like this, but people in the past didn't mention it in person?
Of course, she naturally has a lot more, and they cannot be regarded as enemies. Du Yan tends to call them "non-friends" in her heart.Friends who were originally quite friendly and could chat together, some of them did not know why, and began to keep a distance from themselves.Even those who could talk, there was some slight discomfort between them and between them.

There seems to be something faint between the lines that needs to be mentioned or does not need to be mentioned, such as "Your skin is so good, you must be..." "Your body is so good, you must be..." "You are so beautiful, you must..." ...".

This made her lose a lot of the happiness she used to experience. It seems that something has quietly and unconsciously occupied a more important position than herself, like a bright flower blooming on the top of her head. It seems that there is more to see that existence, and it seems that what about yourself is not so important. What is important is that you are under this flower.

Aware of this problem, she also naturally began to alienate the environment brought by this flower. At that time, she still had expectations in her heart, and she was still imagining that when she stepped out of society, maybe this situation would be different.She will have a job and a career, and she will let herself bloom with a more beautiful light than this flower.

Take the method in the middle, only get the bottom, life often likes to test people's courage.

Overnight, her life was forcibly bound to leukemia.

The colorful life fades into black and white in an instant, roses, chocolates, love words, admiration, talent, beauty... Can you exchange money for medical treatment?Can be white, can not be black.It seems that in life, all the fuzzy meanings that need to be verified have been revealed, but they have been covered up.Many things she thought were white before gradually turned black, such as beauty, such as talent; many things she thought were black, but gradually turned white, such as X transactions, such as suicide... This black and white are intertwined and intertwined, and finally become dirty The ashes filled her brain and eyes, making them unable to accommodate other colors—one look at the morning sun, but thought of the night, one look at the stars, and thought of shooting stars...

In the end, all thoughts ran towards the end of death irresistibly.

And death itself is gray. It is neither evil nor kind. It makes people fear, but it also makes people relieved.

Death is the end of everything, she just arrived a little earlier than expected, that's all.

However, it was still not reconciled.

Afraid of death, not afraid of death, afraid of death, not afraid of death... Next, her mentality was like riding a roller coaster, and sometimes she became extremely courageous, joining various terminally ill treatment groups everywhere, and was inspired to use all means To overcome the illness; sometimes become extremely depressed, looking at the computer, looking at the teacher, staring at the sun and the stars in a daze, imagining how they will attend their memorial service, imagining how they will be sent to the cremation furnace, imagining that they have never been here What the world looks like, these imaginations made her peaceful, comforted her, but also dispelled her courage to resist.

In the end, even the courage itself began to mix and deteriorate with despair, turning gray, turning into a sticky mass, like a mixture of dust and glue, blocking every blood vessel and nerve in her, and she began to change. It was as if she had suddenly gained a certain detachment, as if as long as she didn't feel her own thoughts and emotions, she couldn't feel the disease—maybe the disease couldn't feel her either.

Gradually, she began to accept the reality that she was going to die, and persuaded herself to give up struggling.She began to write a suicide note, and wrote many versions; she began to write a last wish, and wanted to do many things before she died.

Just at this time, she met the big fool Zhao Changqi.She didn't know whether he was a campus lover or an ordinary student, whether he was a philanthropist or a wanted criminal, whether he pitied her or held her hostage... To her, none of this mattered.They got into a black car together, sang and ran wantonly.In the end, she came to a small mountain village and gave her the opportunity to fulfill some last wishes she could fulfill before she died, which is very good.

She didn't like Zhao Changqi. In fact, her mental state at the time made it impossible for her to like anyone.But she was grateful to him, and grateful to him for taking the time to walk the last part of the journey with her.

She thought she had found the end point, and all she had to do was wait.

However, if you follow the law, life will often trample him.

Zhao Changqi is such a fool, she once counted on him to be her executor... In the end, he fainted just once, and he was scared to death.He collapsed, and his life became a mess again. All the cover disappeared in an instant, and all the things she feared subconsciously, even more feared than death, rushed to her.

"We treat it, even selling a house and borrowing money!"

"Uncle's family can borrow tens of thousands, and they recently..."

"It's not like you don't know about your third uncle."

"Anyway, make a phone call and borrow it..."

"Let me tell you, don't sell it for less than 50. This is my daughter's life-saving money."

"This is our pension money."

"Use imported medicine..."

"How do you pay for this medical insurance?"

"Would you like some fruit?"

"Didn't your school make a donation...go ask..."

"What's the relationship with the classmate who sent you here? Did he run away when he knew you were sick? People nowadays..."

……

She started to explain, started to get tired, started to refuse, started to be silent, started to accept, and started to be at the mercy of others... Recently, she even started to look forward to the bad results of chemotherapy and the serious complications in advance.

She secretly visited the morgue of the hospital several times. It was very cold inside, and every corpse was placed in a cramped iron grid, which was far worse than the small mud pit she dug with her own hands.There is no romance in death here. She may be cut into pieces by a scalpel, her organs donated to those in need, her body is photographed, and the unwanted parts are sent to the crematorium.There, the high temperature of thousands of degrees will roast her to ashes, leaving a few bones that are unwilling to melt, mixed with other people's bones.A few pieces were packed into an urn, and finally buried in a small grid, with a black and white, half-smiling black and white photo pasted on the side.

No one will say "beautiful" to themselves in the photo, and naturally no one will give themselves chocolates on Valentine's Day.

At lunch today, her parents and the doctor went to discuss it again, which made her feel a little bit happy about her success - she had eavesdropped on it a few times before, and usually when she was shunned like this, it was bad news.Maybe this time, her parents will give up.Maybe this time, she can get relief.

The two patients in the same ward both had cancer, one was cured and the other was not.There is not much chat between them, because there are people around who accompany the bed.Originally, illness should be a common topic for them, but it seems that in order to comfort their family members, they all subconsciously gave up similar exchanges.

Some time ago, she would secretly observe the incurable one, because she seemed to see her past self, watching her step by step from sadness to despair, to give up.

But recently, she has noticed that those who are not treated, and even those who are cured, have become more active. Many times when the doctor came, their inquiries became more active.From their mouths, Du Yan heard several unfamiliar keywords that were repeated many times: "S therapy, volunteers, experimental therapy, reimbursed by the state, with low risk."

After the parents came back, their faces looked very happy.The doctor came over and asked her how she was feeling today, and then asked her to go to the office.She has seen this kind of conversation twice, that is, the two patients in the ward.

Just as she guessed, calling her here this time is about S therapy.

First of all, regarding her illness, due to the delay in treatment timing and unsatisfactory chemotherapy, the final effect may not be very good-this is a very euphemistic way of saying, according to what Du Yan checked online, after a round of treatment , may be too debilitating to proceed to the next course of treatment.

Furthermore, even if her body can persist, her family's conditions may not allow it.Their family only has an old house for their parents, which is considered the greatest wealth. It can be sold for about 50 million yuan, but it has not been sold yet.Parents still have 10,000+ pension funds, part of which was originally intended to be dowry money for her, and most of it has already been filled in. If traditional treatment is adopted, the house will not be able to withstand the burning for long.It can be as slow as a year, or as fast as half a year, and the expensive medical expenses will drag down the family.

In the end, what her parents meant was that it would be better if she could not sell the house, and according to the doctor's experience, the S therapy was much higher than the traditional therapy.

The next step is to introduce this therapy.

In Du Yan's imagination, this inexplicable treatment is probably the type of "dead horse as a living horse doctor" that is rumored on the Internet, such as traditional Chinese medicine, western medicine, witch doctor, acupuncture, yoga, and bloodletting.But the doctor's introduction quickly made her realize that it was not.

The doctor has several friends in the industry, all of whom are in the famous tertiary hospitals in the country, and their news is also consistent—not just this hospital, not just this province, not just Huaguo, this is the world A large-scale medical experiment within the scope.This treatment appeared in the laboratory about a few months ago. It is said that it has miraculous effects on all kinds of terminal illnesses and has cured important people in many countries.

Now this kind of therapy is beginning to expand its application. Of course, unpredictable risks still exist, so when targeting some untreated diseases, patients still act as volunteers.Of course, this kind of volunteer is not something you just want to be, you need to apply.As long as the application meets the conditions and is approved, the state will reimburse all treatment expenses, and the state will also be responsible for any related complications in the next few years.

But there are also many harsh conditions, but for terminally ill patients, these conditions are actually not considered conditions.First of all, if one dies, the body must be voluntarily donated for medical research; second, it is said that this treatment will make the disease infectious to a certain extent. In order to prevent the possible spread of the disease, there is not much freedom for a few years, and one has to stay at home or in the hospital , Cooperate with medical monitoring at any time; Finally, the treatment process is strictly confidential, and even family members are required to visit.

There are currently about 500 million patients with various types of leukemia in China. According to doctors' knowledge, about [-]% of them meet the application requirements - these conditions include the type of leukemia, pathological process, age, and physical health. and cultural level.If Du Yan applies, her qualifications should be relatively high, and she has a good chance of passing.

For Du Yan, this application should be an additional opportunity for treatment, as long as she is a normal person, she will not refuse it.Du Yan admitted that when she heard the doctor introduce the various miraculous cases of the S therapy, she couldn't help but start to imagine in her heart, imagining that after being cured, she would become a normal person, imagining that nothing in the past had happened.Especially when she learned that this treatment did not cost the family a penny, she almost subconsciously wanted to agree.

But I don't know why, Du Yan really doesn't know, as if her spirit has been bound by some tentacles of death, when she asked her opinion after listening to all the doctor's introduction, she subconsciously said : "Can I refuse?"

The doctor was very surprised: "But your parents have already..."

"Just kidding," Du Yan immediately retracted her words, and smiled slightly, "I agree, I agree to the application."

...

5260 words big chapter, so there is only one update today, good night!
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(End of this chapter)