Why it never ends

Chapter 94 Shadow
Liz didn't say anything, but frowned again. She held Hesta's hand, and gently stroked the interface between the severed finger and the prosthetic body with the pulp of her thumb.

"It doesn't hurt anymore," Hesta replied.

Liz shook her head. In the drizzle, she sat directly on the wet bench beside the road, and Hesta also sat beside her.

This scene reminded the two of them of a long conversation at the base in the past, when they sat together like today.

"Miss Valenti said she was worried about your condition, and she hasn't heard from you for a long time."

"It should be because I stopped the psychological counseling of AHgAs, but I still fill in the psychological scale of AHgAs every year, and the evaluation results are all right, except that I have a little bad sleep, everything else is fine...you are still there Do you accept weekly psychological counseling at the base?"

Hesta shook his head, "I don't have that much time. Now it's basically once every three weeks. I don't know what to say every time. I usually talk about training."

Liz laughed, "I stopped counseling for the same reason, I didn't even have enough sleep to do counseling - but I really don't think I need these things anymore. I know what I'm doing and I know What am I going to do, now I have to tell a lot of things to another person for no reason, I don't think it's necessary, and..."

Liz was silent for a while, as if hesitating whether to speak the second half.

"And what?"

"If I answer you, can you keep our conversation today secret?"

Hesta looked at Liz, nodded solemnly as before, "I can."

"There are some problems that I only realized after I left the base," Liz said after deliberating, "I didn't think there was anything before, but in the past few years, I slowly started to feel something wrong."

"Like what?"

"Like a chip."

Liz raised her right wrist, and there was a similar shallow scar on her and Hesta's right wrist - it was left for chip implantation when she first entered the base.

"Two years ago, when I was giving a work report to the headquarters, they suddenly asked me a question that had nothing to do with work," Liz said softly, "'In July 4625, you had two weeks of mood swings, Have you encountered any troubles outside of work?'

"Indeed, during those two weeks, a photographer was holding a solo exhibition at the Wulian Art Exhibition Hall. She was a photographer who had lived in Askia for ten years, and the name of the solo exhibition was 'The Wasteland That Doesn't Exist'. During those two weeks, I would sit there for two or three hours almost every day after get off work."

Liz paused, looking at her wrist.

"This chip can not only detect whether we have entered bullet time, but also accurately identify our location in many specific areas, and even record our emotional changes every moment.

"I used to take it for granted that I could remove it after I retired, but then I realized that none of the instruction manuals mentioned picking up the chip. Last year, I emailed the 'Combat Support Affairs Division' to inquire about it, and got The answer is that for our safety considerations, this chip will be permanently implanted and removal is not considered.

"Not only that, but I suspect that all of our communication - phone calls, emails, handwritten letters will probably be censored as well. Digital backups or video recordings of them will all be left on exactly one of the AHgAs servers - remember, Chiba also told you that important things should always be 'said face to face'.

"Of course, you can say that this is a kind of protection from the organization, but it is obviously also a kind of..."

The last word, Liz said softly.

"... What is it?"

"Whatever it is," Liz looked forward, "do you think there's something wrong with it?"

Hesta made no answer--a difficult question, since she had never thought about it.All of Mercury's bodies contained a chip, including Miss Chiba.

In many places outside the base, the chip on the wrist is like a key that is carried around, which can complete various identity verifications at an extremely fast speed, which is very convenient.

"Forget it, let's not talk about it," Liz quickly ended this too difficult topic, "It's just a thought of mine... Maybe it's because I've stayed in Wulian for too long."

Hearing these words, Hesta suddenly felt a haze in his heart for no reason.

"Jane?" Liz looked at Hesta who was deep in thought, and called softly, "What are you thinking?"

Hesta was silent for a long time before slowly opening his mouth, "Last week, I dreamed... Dean Alma."

"...the nun at St. Anne's?"

Hesta nodded—last Thursday was the four-year anniversary of the monastery accident. This year, she was unable to return to Tan Yi on the day of the death because she was on duty in other places. As a result, she dreamed of the old dean that night.

"I understand, you still miss them very much." Liz said softly.

Hesta responded with a "hmm", but soon she shook her head again, "Liz, I don't know how to say..."

Hesta looked into Liz's eyes, with a bit of inexpressible anxiety and pain in his eyes.

From the old dean in the past, she realized for the first time that whether "helping others" can happen sometimes does not depend on who can lend a helping hand, but on whether the victim is willing to speak.

Today, the reason why she can meet Liz when she passes by Wulian is largely due to Miss Valenti's efforts. Liz's stop of consultation in the past few years has made Valenti very disturbed, especially this time. For several years, Liz was in a state of almost self-burning work in Wulian.

Valenti had written Liz a few emails, and Liz had replied, but these innocuous greetings were of no help.What Valenti can do is very limited—especially since she is not even Liz's consultant, she can only write to Turan and the others, asking these friends who have never lost communication with Liz to pay more attention to Liz's state.

"Is there anything I can do for you?" Hesta asked softly.

"There is nothing I need you to do for me at the moment," Liz said with the same gentle expression as before, "The other reason why I canceled the AHgAs consultation is that I don't like the feeling of being spied on all the time. The less I believe that so-called consultants can keep secrets for us, and everyone will have shadows that they don't want others to know... I know Jane must have it, don't you? "

Hesta was silent, and nodded after a while, "Yes, I have."

"That's it." Liz smiled, "So, you must understand."

After a while, Liz got up and took Hesta along the street, went to a cafe she frequented on the corner of the street, and led Hesta to have breakfast.

During the dinner, Liz sat across from Hesta, leisurely looking at the passers-by in the rain.

"By the way, how is Sean? I don't seem to have seen his name on the graduation list. Is he still at the base? Did he bother you again?"

(End of this chapter)